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[TRANSFERRED Post: The original post (located in the next entry), had 27 views when it was added here. Add the views here minus 14 to get an accurate number of how many had read this poem here and the commentary after it.]
[The original post in here, entitled "It*s not here yet, was deleted because it was merely an announcement, not an article. (Space was needed to expand Part 2 of the next article into Portions A and B)]
[Category: Slices of Life - Poetry] [Note: Asterisks replace the apostrophe because apostrophes do not work in this journal]
THERE IS NO PRESCRIPTION TO YOUR DOOM
She*s a malady a physical illness You just can*t cure There*s no prescription to your doom Whatever you do, she*ll still love you.
She*s a malaise without surprise Your lives together are conundrum But her eyes beguile you: Woe betide, you if she leaves you.
She*s a disorder with beguiling eyes She*s a harbour which no one spies Where a dozen shipwreck lies… She*s sickness she*s scurvy with beautiful Blue contemptible eyes…
She*s a radiant siren… "Won*t anyone save you"?
-by Mark Heathcoate
COMMENT: (on the above POEM and OTHERS LIKE IT)
A misbegotten guess, alas...and bits of broken glass...
-James Taylor
(my comment, displayed above, is a direct quote from James Taylor*s "Long Ago and Far Away")
NOTES ON MY COMMENT:
A misbegotten guess, meaning that it is inaccurate conjecture...and bits of broken glass...all those little labels from misconstrued notions, the glass of the wine of love deliberately shattered to come up with these useless shards of wrong conclusions about the nature of my love and how it all started...and how the world found out about and studied my heart a long time ago...and still does so today.
I have explained elsewhere, in another post in one of my blogs, how I was just living my life normally with an online journal such as this one, in a place I thought was extremely hard to access, and I did not dream that my crush at that time would become a member of the website just to peek into my thoughts.
It was not an overly-public journal at all...there were controls for each entry or post to keep any of them private. I was hacked, by the way, and all my privacy settings for my private posts were reversed...I was neither saddened nor angered to see my entries all publicly displayed...but I was pretty embarrassed and could not access the privacy buttons at all.
Through this incident alone (which I could NOT control), the men of the world had access to my deepest thoughts and feelings. THIS is where it all began...when men started saying that I knew my place in love and that I was beautiful inside and out....that I knew how to love...and they cried (upon reading the beautiful thoughts and songs of love I had for my crush in that journal).
Think for a moment how a woman with a secret crush on a younger man could accomplish all the things they have accused me of...siren, the ruin of men, etc. THE JOURNAL WAS NOT FOR THE MEN...IT WAS FOR MY HEART SO IT COULD EXPRESS ITS FEELINGS FOR MY CRUSH!!
Of course my crush (the actor) started laughing, and he felt so triumphant and it was easy from there for him to make me admit my feelings. (You have read it somewhere in this journal but it bears repeating, that for reasons I had, we never had sex but he was free to have sex with any beautiful woman he wanted as long as we were not married. Our agreement had other rules and qualifiers but that is not our topic here).
So I have to say...that those who say I have a plan for the men and all that, do not know that I can only love one man at a time, and as long as I love him, none other can enter my heart.
Men are not "victims" of my poetry and songs...any woman can think the way I think and care the way I care...The question maybe would be...would women want to? I have asked them many times and the women told me that my style of loving a man sounded "real stupid".
Well, to each his (or her) own...I may not be a sophisticated feminist...but maybe that is what makes me myself...
Right now I am in love with my ultra-sexy crush. He is sort of my boyfriend on DN...and outside of it I love him even more...I indulge in my wildest fantasies and I don*t have to restrain myself and hide my love in cryptic messages so that no one would find out...(and tease us both!...) *smiles*
[EDIT: Okay, that last paragraph sounded really "suggestive"...so let me say that...we are NOT having sex, okay? LoL]
[Category - Slices of Life - Poetry][The needs of a Woman...and the Stages of a long-term relationship/marriage][Facts about Women and Love...and sharing with you all a part of me]
DISCUSSION SPURRED ON BY POETRY (I am a simple girl, very simple)
FACTS ABOUT WOMEN AND LOVE...AND SEX PART 2
MY OWN ATTITUDES TOWARDS SEX (Note: women may or may not like to copy me based on what they think is the right attitude towards sex FOR THEM...so by putting this here...I am neither pressuring them to be like me...neither am I putting myself down as terribly unromantic.)
(In other words, I don*t want to pressure nor harm other women; neither do I want to pressure or harm myself. I am just pointing out some differences between me and the typical woman (who is most likely a feminist)...and how these differences actually show both the influende and disastrous effects of Feminism in women\'s lives.
I AM NOT UNROMANTIC BY LIKING SEX DIFFERENTLY (ALTHOUGH I AM CHASTE BECAUSE OF AN OLD-FASHIONED UPBRINGING):
My son calls me "Probably not a woman" or "a woman who is like a man", because although I abstain from sex (before marriage)/am celibate and chaste, I like sex too much (way too much). Please do not ask the WHY and the HOW questions...
SO THE RULES BELOW ABOUT WOMEN GIVING MANY CONDITIONS BEFORE THEY LIKE SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS/PARTNERS DO NOT APPLY TO ME. WHY? I HAVE TRAINED MYSELF TO GOAGAINST FEMINISM TEACHINGS (WHICH ONLY SEE THE SIDE OF THE WOMEN...HOW ABOUT YOUR HUSBANDS, LADIES?
FEMINISM IS SO USELESS. Not the women, but the Feminist Philosophy is useless.I am NOT condemning women, though, for wanting the atmosphere to be sort of romantic first before they desire sex with their husbands/partners (at least they must not have done something unromantic with their wives prior to sex, like pick up a fight with the wife, for example), because that is truly a woman*s nature;
(and that is why my son jokes that I am probably not a woman - my views on this are so different...my mind is a sex motor from the get-go...not promiscuous{!!} because I do not broadcast my thoughts to others; it might give them the wrong signal or be misconstrued as a suggestion or invitation, that*s why).
WOMEN*S ATTITUDES TOWARDS SEX (as if you did not already know...well maybe some of you still don*t)
(Most romantic women do not like sex AS MUCH AS their husbands DO!)
1. Sex is OPTIONAL, even in daily life{!} with a partner or spouse because there has to be a certain prerequisite atmosphere for a wife to get in the mood for sex...and we will say it right here: it is the absense of any unromantic episode before the sex act. Is stress unromantic? maybe, maybe not. Fights?? Definitely unromantic for most women, UNLESS THEY ARE CRAZY IN LOVE WITH THEIR HUSBANDS AFTER MANY, MANY YEARS (yes, we are talking about those exceptuonal, crazy in love white-haired couples still giggling like schoolchildren and pinching their spouse in public and all that).
(Read the qualifiers below...this does NOT apply to the FIRST FEW YEARS OF MARRIAGE OR LIVING TOGETHER or a partnership when BOTH the man and the woman are still EAGER FOR SEX due to the newness of it all).
Fast-forward a few years into the marriage - There has to be a condition for sex, and that is: a whole day without any non-romantic hassle (that is hard to come by! but it is the condition for a woman*s mood for sex nevertheless...a required romantic atmosphere) (otherwise, a man may have noticed his partner*s lack of enthusiasm...as if something were wrong...and usually, that is correct).
Women gather together to talk mostly of romance with their significant other, not sex or sex with anyone...unless it is a specific gathering to share sex techniques IN ORDER TO THWART an up and coming or discovered mistress of their husbands! That is the ONLY exception!).
2. When a woman loves a man, that is the only time sex enters her thoughts...it is NOT biological, but emotional. And even with a permanent partner or husband, in the fourth year or so of marriage, it is not so easy to obtain it from her IF SHE IS NOT really (still) wildly and crazy in love with him.
In the first three years, this might be the case (sex is available and engaged in by the woman with so much enthusiasm) but a husband will soon disappoint a wife and her acceptance or forgiveness (depending on her will for these things) will be. as I have said, hard to come by.
Now, having explained my lack of desperation because I am a fulfilled woman I do not understand where the notion of "she is such a loving person because she needs love" is coming from, except from men*s loneliness and desperation, as detailed in a Biblical basis mentioned above.
So if you think a certain woman is the doom of men do not read her journals for you might find sweet nothings in there!
When I am in love, I express my sentiments. So does every other woman on Earth. This is not wanting love, but giving love. Can giving and wanting love co-exist in a heart? Only if you mean that one is NOT the cause of the other.
So going back to the impression that some have of me: the answer is NO. I do not need love, and I only express love like this because there is someone in my heart.
[Category - Slices of Life - Poetry][The needs of a Woman...and the Stages of a long-term relationship/marriage][Facts about Women and Love...and sharing with you all a part of my life]
DISCUSSION SPURRED ON BY POETRY (I am a very simple girl, very simple)
FACTS ABOUT WOMEN AND LOVE...AND SEX Part 1
I AM A VERY SIMPLE GIRL, VERY SIMPLE
I am a very simple girl, very simple. I only know how to love, how to care. I only have kindness and joy to share. I am a simple star without a twinkle.
I am a very simple girl, very simple. I am not a famous dancer or singer. I can feel your dancing heart with my finger. My heart is longing for love, very simple.
I am a very simple girl, very simple. My purpose of life is to get joy and happiness By touching your heart with loving tenderness I am a simple girl, I am the life, very simple.
-by Dr. Debasish Mridha
Comments: I have indeed said that I am a very simple girl...so this poem caught my attention.
My nature, especially when people consider it to be a loving one, has been interpreted by many as ONE NEEDING LOVE...
"She NEEDS love, that is why she entices with her sweet nothings..."
A gentle correction of facts is in order:
I had a very hidden journal in places no one will find or so I thought
Hidden in the deepest recesses of a labyrinth I poured my heart and deepest feelings in songs of love
For one young man for him alone did my passions collide with wild abandon
He would see those words And never, ever know they were for him!
So between that intention AND how the world found my hidden journal and subsequently made assumptions as to how one woman became the doom of men...your guess is as good as mine!
In other words, there was no need to be loved by men there...because I never thought this guy would even think those words were for him! It was not intended to be understood by him as for him, let alone for any other man! Clue: Someone hastened to spill the beans...and that is how entrusted secrets become the domain of all!
As I have always told friends, even if no one believes me:
There is no desperation in me because the female in me, as a mother, is a fulfilled woman!
Have you ever noticed that usually a man gets married and all is fine the first few years (or months)...
And then suddenly a baby is born and there goes the romance between man and wife slowly floating away?
Women need not apologize that a baby, a child is truly the fulfillment of a woman*s very being. If she be with a husband, all she needs to do is see to it that he is never neglected despite the new womanly thrill of having a baby for the first time!
Nay, more than that she should reassure him with her actions that he is still Number One in her life!
Note that men usually PROJECT their own needs when they JUDGE a woman as needing love. Usually, they need THE LOVE of THAT woman but they do not know how else to say it or cry it out.
Remember that in the Bible, God said, when he created Adam, "It is NOT GOOD that man should be alone."
God NEVER SAID. "Like wise, it is not good for a woman to be alone." He had other plans as to what would fulfill a woman.
People couple up because men need women and women need babies.
Will women ever need men? All I can say is, ...it is not even biblical, this idea of woman*s need of man!
So if any man see an Old Maid he should be very wise. A man should be aware that this Old maid could very well adopt a child or even a pet cat and she would be fine.
*(to be continued in Part 2)(uploaded in two parts because again, it would not go in as one whole thing)
[Note: Asterisks replace the apostrophe because apostrophes do not work in this journal]
Those who read this journal regularly already know that: to me, crush and love are one...I have my own Love Dictionary applicable only to my own beliefs and opinions.
Well, IF it is True Love (the real thing), who wouldn*t? If you have found someone who fits your idea of a worthy love, why not?
Take note that before we ask any more questions (and they should be realistic questions) we are ASSUMING that the feeling is really mutual. If only one feels strongly for the other, we cannot even dream of such a thing.
Frankly, this is what I think my crush feels for me:
1. He really appreciates the fact that I think of him almost the entire day
2. He is flattered that someone like me likes him
3. This I cannot really explain...call me dense or whatever...he is so, so JEALOUS of several guys that I have mentioned or even talked to...and THAT COULD MEAN:
a. I am entirely mistaken and he is not really jealous at all
b. he could be a bit jealous but not as intensely as I thought
c. he is pretending to be super-jealous so he could play with my heart
d. the jealousy act is his way of accusing me of being promiscuous and evil
e. by golly, he really IS jealous of Wolf, Phoenix, the guy I married so that I could have a son, and a couple of guys on Desktop Nexus like someone we will call Fox Moulder (a code) and Dragon*s Lair (a code)...and if this option is the true one, how lucky I am that he actually cares!
(Just lately, my estimation of it has been fluctuating every hour, so right now I really do not know how he feels overall) (and screw my past posts about being sure that his jelaousy means love...it could mean anything!...well, yes...it could mean love too, of course...)
Given the lack of solid conviction I have about his feelings for me it is a miracle we even talk about this now!
ASSUMING we both feel intensely attracted to each other and are in love, then, the next thing we do is ask realistic questions.
The realistic questions to ask are:
Is he available? Am I available?
If one of us is not, and I am talking about being "legally" available this time, then no matter how much we dream of it, the thing will never happen. [Pouring a bit of cold water on a romantic notion!]
But I am quite sure he knows, having known a bit about me in this area, that the fire of my love would not be quenched by distance (physical unavailability) and/or legalities...because it is a feeling in my heart and we do not have to legalize feelings or affections....
and what about the DREAM of "being one" with him?
...Well, being old-fashioned and all, of course I have to be married to someone before I can have sex with that particular person...so basically, we go into whether I want to engage in "IT" with him, and again, I say...who wouldn*t? He is sooo sexy!
Of course, in my imagination, I skip the fearful parts of commitment and running away from the altar and all those usual things...and jump right into the best parts
So I am ALWAYS Taken, someone always owns my heart, that my legitimate suitors see no opening to be let in.
Is this my ploy because I am really scared of love from the ones who offer it quite seriously, of being betrayed once I have given my heart and soul to someone? And so I erect barriers...being "reserved" momentarily for a crush that may or may not want me?
And why would I not pick my crush from among them??
It would seem that way although personally I have not even seen a pattern to that effect.
Admittedly, I always fall into the wrong hands...so says the group that watches and deems its judgments fair...my suitors.
The ones I gave my heart to..there were two watched by the world...my actor boyfriend Wolf (a code name) and the deejay. How was I to know in advance that they worked for the other side...Freemasonry...Satanists?? One claims to be an atheist, the other Christian...yet in reality, both were with the Masons (Luciferians). I always learn of it when it is too late.
So now I am both cautious and fatalistic. That way, nothing can throw me off guard. No matter how much affection I have for a crush, ultimately I always believe in destiny...what must be. I am quite prepared to lose a romantic loved one if the tides so dictate, if this is the flow of life.
I always give the one I love the benefit of the doubt though...and that makes the waiting of my real suitors long indeed.
No, I am not avoiding them (the ones that have proposed marriage...well some have gone on to marry another...but basically, most of them are still with me).
It is just that what I like or seek in a man was found in these guys that I liked before...and it turned out to be so untrue, they were the opposite of what they seemed (unfortunately).
As the years go by, I get more and more scared of what is to happen. Yet, I pity the lonely ones that need my caring, so many of them...why? They have decided I could give the love they want.
The thing is I can only choose ONE from among them...this makes my sudden shift into Crush Mode seem like a deliberate avoidance...and so I am always not available.
The guys ask me what I am looking for in a man...presumably so they could BE that and thus win my love.
But I want a man that does these things naturally, without rehearsal, because that is how he really is.
After a man wins a woman, he tends to relax and stop being what the woman he was pursuing wanted. Whereas if a man did these things naturally, he would still be that way even after he relaxes afterwards.
That was my basis for falling for my present crush. All the things I have ever wanted in a man, he just did naturally. That is hard to beat.
So how long will I (my heart) remain TAKEN? For as long as the love story or crush story between my crush and I remains alive.
And if it dies, just like it died with Rafael and Wolf?
Then I would again gravitate towards the kind of man I have always wanted...until we see a nice ending to the story, IF EVER there will be that. I give the guys no clues as to what it is I am looking for. That way, they will be UNABLE to strategise in order to win my love.
Is it worth winning my love? Why would any man go through all that trouble to win my love?
I usually have answers to questions...but that is one area I never understood...why they go through all that trouble to win my love.
And so now I am TAKEN...to them I am ALWAYS TAKEN. Just my heart, not legally, but then again...it is really the heart that matters to them.
Why am I writing this? It is to gaze at the wonder of it all...(you do not need to read it! this a journal, remember? maybe all my thoughts here are for him!)...yes, the wonder...How everything started from an ordinary chore and the need to go someplace...to the fact that the love I FEEL inside is being appreciated by a mysterious soul...
How I am planning to change the way I deal with men, not being that open anymore...controlling those runaway smiles that are needless anyway and which might be misinterpreted as more than a kind gesture by other men...
I am still open to friendships, EVEN friendships with guys, because they are all just innocent friendships anyway, although IT IS DIFFERENT NOW.
Somewhat. Note that he can also be friends with girls.
Both he and I turned out to be the extremely jealous types overall!
Can romantic attachment survive such volatile and easily-offended feelings? Will we both survive?? This is the first time I have heard of such a pairing in my life! And it is in my own life and his...
(I never had an inkling that wonderful things were hidden in the shadows when one joined a group or a site. In the beginning I just joined a site because I needed pictures for my blogs. Little did I know that life would be far more exciting than it ever was because I needed lots of pictures, obtained them and had the inclination to give back by uploading wallpapers where I would find a mythical character...a fantasy man who rocked my world.)
My Crush and I, [yes, he CAN be called my DN boyfriend, because no other man here on DN (and even outside of DN! He is THAT sexy) (Question: WHY do you keep on saying that he is sexy?? Answer: Because he IS!)...I was saying...NO OTHER MAN here on DN (and elsewhere) has the same romantic connection with me] (he is so, sooo sexy)
People might say that ALL falling in love is accidental, even for the guys.
A guy accidentally sees a gorgeous model-like beauty and pursues her.
A woman like me just does her daily things and then looks up to see an extremely sexy man that makes her stammer and affects her whole being profoundly, without her having planned any of this.
What a wonder to have discovered what I have been searching for...a man who does all the right moves, even smiles the exact way that you want...he has been naturally himself to the point of driving my heart wild!
Yes, we could say that all love is accidental...therefore...how will this love of mine for him pan out, and is he feeling the same way?
Time will tell us the next chapters of what can only be described as a secret type of relationship of mutual understanding...
But it is NOT a case muddled signs where one is not sure where the other stands...
There clearly is exceptional attraction there, sparks even...
I, looking at him in a way that I have not allowed myself to do so in the past (but I admit I saw him that way EARLY ON...of course no telling details about it...just that it happened early on...I was going about my activities and I said...okay...calm down...here is an extremely sexy guy....but he is here NOT because of ME but because of HIS list of things to do...yes, sexy but get him out of your mind, please!!...I was already distracted that much early on), but the burgeoning fire was spreading all over my being as the days passed until I could no longer contain my desire and sentiments and feelings for him.
And he...equally having intense feelings, notably of jealousy and apparent despair whenever I spoke of a hopeful future of loving some guy (I did not know that he was jealous of other guys or that he liked me!)...But the fact that in the early days, he looked me up, did get to know me through the websites I frequented and finally dealt with me with a foreknowledge that kept him prepared for my actions and responses...the fact that he did these things and took the initiative...SHOULD convince me that he does like me...that there is either a spark or fire there, an interest definitely...but there is something there!
Yet here I am: I still cannot believe that such a gorgeous sexy guy actually likes me too!
Many songs have said...(in many languages)
"If this is a just a dream...please, PLEASE do not wake me up!!..."
And how is it all different now?
Well, I cannot be as carefree and I cannot be overly warm with guys anymore...it just looks bad!
Normal warmth is okay, I just would not overdo it, squandering my affections...no more...
There is a jealous guy who could be hurt by my carelessness...
Although many people have mixed feelings regarding jealousy...some think it is an abuse of trust ...maybe reality lies in the middle view this time.
I think his jealous nature is very justified, given the fact that men always do try to stir my attention away from whoever is my boyfriend at a given time.
It is really different now. On DN (and I carry it into WordPress and EVERYWHERE I may be): I am HIS girl now.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? There is someone who holds my heart now he keeps my heart captive and I am loving the captivity!
Whether this translates to something else... perhaps time will tell...or it will not!
What is different is that indeed, right now He holds my heart.
[To the people reading this too: So who is this person, My Crush? I do not know if he wants people to get a hint...but I will go along with whatever he wants!...
Actually, I had other letters...the last one was kind of romantic, but of course, no one saw that it was a letter for him! Good! A cryptic Love letter, that was!
And since he is my real crush on DN, I will not risk it by sending him a PM...We do not converse and speak of our love (our love?? I am being audacious here!) (see next paragraph) that way at all...So many individuals have actual access to the DN servers that we could only use the PM area if we wanted to be exposed and our privacy destroyed.
So what do you think of a girl gushing over her guy like this? Did I actually refer to him as...My guy?? I am always ahead of my shy self!! I know...he said to get over the shyness...if it is love, then it is love, period. I AM IN LOVE WITH MY ULTRA-SEXY GUY!!!!! He is so very sexy!!!!! (That is better!)
Yes, he reads my journal entries, but there are no specifics here so he and I are safely hidden (if that is what he also wants)...for now...at least our interaction with each other is....unless he makes it clear that he wants people to get closer with their guesses...whatever it is he wants, I am all for it ]
To My Ultra-Sexy Crush ♥ ...
There are so many things we are busy with, but those that beg attention are the matters we must deal with...
You already know I am the jealous type...Thank you for removing one of the causes of my jealousy as soon as you knew of it!
Now, I also know you are the jealous type but I did not realize that there are so many guys you are jealous of (both specific and non-specific).
First, specifically...there is someone you have been watching with a jealous eye because of some coincidences but I do not admire any guy on DN as much as I admire you. People here are very friendly, and I know, you said, "Watch out..." and we really cannot stop admirers if they do exist. Several girls admire you too! You are as hot as can be!!
Now for the non-specific jealousy, all I can say is that as long as I am in love with you, my suitors do HAVE CAUSE for worry...In fact, they are worried sick and they see you as "another problem, another obstacle on the way to her heart..."...Someone dedicated "Closing Time" by Semisonic to me to commemorate my having a crush on you, with emphasis on
"I know WHO I want to take me home..."
...that is YOU, he said...I am not sure if the guy likes me, but many who like me dedicate that song to me when my heart is gazing at its crush...
[Well, yes, exactly as the song says, I want you to take me home...(if I am drunk...as the bar-setting of the song indicates)...that would be very sexy indeed...you carrying me in your manly arms...] (and my fantasies run wild...)
Thank you for giving me so many compliments, I love them all...and please do not be jealous of anyone on DN...they are all just nice and kind friends!
You told me of your state and that is very bad news indeed...Anyway, we will make do with fantasies for now...and maybe forever?...but as long as our love is there, we have something to brighten our days!
(I keep on telling everyone that this is love at a distance anyway, so they need not make judgments or indulge in speculation...yet they still do!)
I do not know what else I can do to remove your jealousy of a certain person or even a few persons...I understand it very well because I am that way too...I guess it is all up to me. I will follow your lead because you do remove the causes of my jealousy.
I will always treasure your little and big tokens of affection and love. I know that you are very fond of me somehow...I hope it is with passion too, as I feel for you. Your jealousy, well maybe that is a sign, sort of...I think it is a sign that you are also developing a slight crush on me, that you like me? I like the intensity of it...No you will not lose me...
I-...will I say it for the first time? ...In public?? Okay... I love you too, Sexy!
Haha!...gotcha!!...You were the FIRST to show your love!
Just your girl ♥ Well at least we can fantasize a lot...You really are sooo SEXY!!!!! (I cannot get over it!) ~Amy
WHY I CANNOT EVER HATE GAYS AS A GROUP! (well, if I have a gay enemy, it is because I have been attacked by the person and NOT because he is gay)
I AM SORRY IF I HAVE OFFENDED SOME OF MY GAY FRIENDS HERE...(NAIVE ME...ALL IT TAKES IS ONE SILLY GIRL TO "TELL ALL" TO GAY GUYS THAT I HAVE ESSENTIALLY WRITTEN A GAY-HATING POST...AND IT HAS SPREAD LIKE WILDFIRE.)
PART A
1. My life in relation to gays: I DO NOT hate gays as a group. My second cousin was gay from birth and we were toddlers then and HE WAS MY "FIRST FEMALE BEST FRIEND"...And now we are both older and he still has not changed...so you can see the acceptance I have of gays, especially gay guys (because of my favourite male cousin)! I do believe some gays are gay from birth, and to many of them, it is not a hatred of their Dads; although yes, some guys become gay OUT OF hatred of their Dads...let us not gloss things over now. (My point here for some enemies is that I know a secret of theirs! It is just that.)
2. I am angry at someone, NOT for being gay, but for attacking me psychologically. And THAT is MY COUNTER-ATTACK to the attack on me itself [to prevent abuse, because IF YOU DO NOT CHECK THEIR ACTIONS (stop their actions), bullies give you MORE OF THE SAME attacks...they know that you will just take it and take it and take it...until you die, either of heartbreak or even physically!]
3. Like I said in another entry, if there was a girl who told you I expressed hatred for gays in my journal, THAT GIRL IS LYING!! (and probably wants to cause mayhem where there is peace and love!)
PART B
(One other thing...If I am very, very mad at a straight guy I ALSO use the option of calling him gay. WHY? Because straight men who become my enemies totally hate IT, and if they call me something I do not want to hear...like unsavoury names, I call them gay in return...Now the straight guy enemies of mine really, REALLY hate that! That is what they get for calling me bad names which I of course do not like! If they see you can fight them normally without batting an eyelash, they are usually shocked and that is where it gets interesting.)
PART C
MY OBSERVATION OF REALITY (so you may know me well):I noticed that IF A GUY IS GAY and THEN he SUDDENLY ATTACKS ME, the issue is ENVY. I am not saying that regular, straight women do not know how to envy another...I am just saying I know why a guy attacks me, fashion-wise, for example...he is gay...and the attack FEELS (to him) "like a WOMAN-TO-WOMAN ATTACK".
Or maybe he thinks he is prettier or something...the point is I got attacked and I banned the guilty!
PART D
[Okay...WHY DO WE HAVE ENEMIES? I really DO NOT KNOW! All I know is that JESUS was so good and HE HAD ENEMIES TOO...so did the other Apostles and saintly Job! Anyone, bad or good, can have enemies!
Also, no one wants to increase the number of his enemies, and no one wants to increase the number of people to ban...that would only result in more stress. Yet, no one who does not see himself as a coward will shrink in fear and compliance in the presence of a bully that has come to torment him. The thing to do is to drive the bully away or at least stop him (this also applies to the pronoun "her") from abusing you.]
This gorgeous sexy guy on DN, My Crush, makes visiting DN a bit more exciting...My heart beats a little faster when I am here...etc.
[Yes, I think of My Crush every night before going to sleep, and again when I awake. He knows what is sexy about him (I told him).]
No matter how intense my feelings are for My Crush, no matter how deep and all-encompassing my fervent emotions are for this ultra-sexy guy...it is JUST a crush!...meaning that an involvement will not necessarily form...but if you have read the Seminar on My Heart, you do know that to me, "crush" and "love" blend together...so YES, I love him...from a distance!
Do my regular suitors have cause for concern? Well...ever since I became well-known (somewhat), which was ABOUT THE TIME I had a Hollywood actor boyfriend (NOTE that I was well-known BEFORE the guy became my boyfriend...infact, this actor was my fan in the real sense of the word...a fan of my blogs!), my other suitors (apart from the actor) have been saying that whoever is my current love "is not worth her time"...that is what they say...so now I have tried something different...the ONLY person who knows for sure who my current crush is, is My Crush himself! That way, though love burns in my heart for this man, no one can judge him as unworthy. Only he and I know of this special admiration (and regard) I have for him (...yes, I think I fell for him...but you all keep quiet if you have guesses!! )
