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[Note: This article is written in ENGLISH except for the initial remark]
Poof!
Kasi sunud-sunod na ang mga pangyayari...nagselos siya (kamakailan lang), pagkatapos naiinis siya nang tuluyan na naging hindi-mapagpatawad-na-galit na todo...Wala nang pag-asa...malamang...
Translation:
It*s because of events happening one after the other...he got jealous (just recently), and then he got so infinitely annoyed that it turned to absolute, unforgiving anger...No more hope...most probably...
Our favorite author (his and mine) had said:
"A man forgets but doesn*t forgive, a woman forgives but doesn*t forget..."
We both tend to believe almost everything our fave author says (written inside his adventure books), including this one (Well after I forgive, I forget....so that*s not entirely correct...but I believe the man*s-anger-part of the quote)
So I guess that*s the end of it...Once anger sets in, there is no forgiveness from a man.
There*s one possibility, and is one in a billion...that he*ll see it all later in a different light..I don*t want to describe how he should even see it, if he EVER does (because he might NOT EVER...NEVER...). I don*t want to give suggestions on how he must see the matter.
Our favorite author also said:
"Better to have one woman on your side, rather than ten men..."
Hence, I was just wondering if he EVER NOTICED which woman was on his side...Just saying.
Now this is fate. I didn*t dream of falling in love, I just live my life from day to day...Sometimes,
suddenly, your heart won*t stop bothering you about a certain man...It happens sometimes. Let us
forgive ourselves (for falling) (in love).
I know there are those who whisper to him that they "heard" that I was very evil and so on and so forth (by the way, some hackers are manipulating my profile, putting 666, 33 and 11...nasty, nasty...)...I wonder WHO those whisperers are...Do they have a hidden agenda,
a personal SELFISH MOTIVE for telling him something that is a blatant lie, insisting upon his virgin ears such an idiotic proposition? Would they GAIN SOMETHING from insisting that they heard that I was so evil?
Isn*t there any HOPE then??...Well, there is a very low probability to it but there*s a possibility (ranked LOWER than a very low probability) that the past would dissolve for some glowing, truthful reason...perhaps a realization that everything was pure and good all along...but let*s not count on that! That realization is so rare. It takes the right kinds of people...both the perceived offender and the offended.
How can you repair broken glass? If you glue all the broken pieces together, things will never be the same again...but if you go back to the factory, melt the broken glass pieces with glowing fire that is the reason for their being (reason for their being glass) then the glass will be like new and the past is erased...But like I said, let*s not count on it. It*s rare.
I*ll just go on living my life until my mission on Earth is finished. I don*t know why some guys love me deeply. Then again...I don*t know HOW he could hate me. He hates me. It*s happened. What matters is that it*s happened. We cope from there, I guess...
I SEE YOU, YOU SEE ME [Composer: Romeo William Stodart][Performed by The Magic Numbers]
[UPDATE (Mar. 12, 2015): So why did I put it here in my journal? No deep personal reason, at first (it*s one of the mysterious, pretty songs that I really like and when I posted it here, it was not applicable to my situation because the conditions were not similar at all)...
Now it stays here because it*s over (he got angry again)(I have got the purest intentions for his happiness and all I get is scolding and anger...but didn*t I tell you that I believed in Fate? I still do. The fact that he doesn*t like me or love me anymore means that that*s fate, that was what was coming, we are not suited to each other, all that...We get misunderstood for a reason: It wasn*t meant to be!) This is what I guess: Maybe I*ve got personality quirks that make him see that I*m so not worth being with (in his eyes), right? Tough luck.
As with any heavy burden in life, it*s difficult at first and things are never going to be the same again...but sunshine is just around the corner...I just have to live my life like a child...I*ll cry that my lollipop was taken away, then somehow someone will come and say, "Look at this lovely yellow hair-wreath!!" and I*d laugh with glee (calling lollipop...hello...) and skip, dance, and place that yellow flower wreath in my hair and smile.]
[UPDATE 2 (same date) On the song itself: This is sooo not what he feels...]
I SEE YOU, YOU SEE ME
Well, throw a circle *round a man with broken bones But darlin* when I see you, I see me
And it*s alright, I never thought I*d fall in love again It*s alright, I look to you as my only friend It*s alright, I never thought that I could feel There*s something risin*, risin* in my veins Looks like it*s happened again
You always looked like you had somethin* else on your mind When I try to tell you, you tell me "nevermind" But darlin* when I see you, you see me
I wanna tell you that I never loved anyone else You wanna tell me that you*re better off by yourself But darlin* when I see you, you see me
This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you
This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you
I never thought (This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do) I never thought (This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you) I never thought, I never thought (This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do) I never thought (This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you)
I never thought that I could feel There*s somethin* risin*, risin* in my veins And it looks like I feel There*s something risin*, risin*in my veins Looks like it*s happened again
Dier Kusuriuri did a wonderful painting which I loved and wrote a short poem to accompany it. Both the painting and the poetry are entitled "Forever Yours"...
I think that this painting speaks well of my feelings, that no matter what he does, I am here (well, even if forgets my existence, if it ever happens) (hope fervently not!) and every interaction with him, I take willingly as fate, whether they be crumbs of affection or an all-out wild escapade...at least, that*s what this painting says to me, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. Ditto for the poetry which says exactly the same thing (well to me, it does).
FOREVER YOURS
The only things calm, breeze in my hair It*s not angry or sad, he doesn*t care And all those things I left behind have disappeared And everything I waited for has left me here...
[Lo and behold...rare apostrophes appear when I copy-paste from other sites!]
Sa aking pag-iisa ikaw lang ang hinahanap ko kay tamis na isipin ng mga alaala
Sa aking pag-iisa (Sa aking pag-iisa) ikaw lang ang tinatawag ko di ako mapalagay kapag ako’y nag-iisa
[chorus] Kung nalalaman mo lamang na ako sa ‘yo’y naghihintay lagi kitang inaasahan na magbalik sa aking buhay
Sa aking pag-iisa(Sa aking pag-iisa) ikaw lang ang panaginip ko hanggang kailan kaya ako mag-iisa
[chorus] Kung nalalaman mo lamang na ako sa ‘yo’y naghihintay lagi kitang inaasahan na magbalik sa aking buhay
Sa aking pag-iisa ikaw lang ang panaginip ko hanggang kailan kaya ako mag-iisa …
[Originally Performed by Cinderella][Cinderella was an Asian band formed in the 70s/I understand there is a current European band also called Cinderella]
Oo alam ko, na misan nasabi mo nang lantaran na mahal mo ako...
hindi ko makakalimutan yan...Araw pa nga ng mga Puso kung baga...
Naalala ko pa noong una kitang napansin...hindi pa ako miyembro dito noon...at noon nga, parang antipatiko pa nga ang dating mo sa akin noong mga panahon na iyon
Nasabi ko pa nga sa sarili ko na..."Parang ayaw ko *ata makipagkaibigan dito sa kumag na *to"
Yun pala...kinalaunan...nabaitan ako sayo, dahil panay ang pagpuna mo sa ganda ng mga larawang inilalagay ko dito bilang miyembro...
at kinalaunan pa pagkatapos noon...
nalaman kong ikaw pala*y isang mabait na tao, mabait na lalaki
Sana hindi ka nalang naging seloso, kasi, alam mo ba, kapag nahihirapan ka, na nahihirapah rin ako?
Parang kahit kelan, hindi ka naging sigurado sa pagmamahal ko sayo
Pala-kaibigan nga ako...pero umiiwas na nga ako kapag nahahalata ko na nililigawan na ata ako ng ilang mga lalaki sa lugar na ito...hindi mo alam yan...kung gaano kita talaga kamahal
Mahal kita, alam mo ba? Hindi pa ako nagmahal sa lalaking kasing seksi mo, o kasing kisig mo
Mas seksi ka pa doon sa lalaking naging kasintahan ko (totoo yan ha), at doon sa lalaking nagtatrabaho sa radyo na nagustuhan ko rin, at inayawan ko na rin bago kita nakilala
...silang dalawa, walang-wala sayo!
Sana alam mo lahat ng naiisip ko patungkol sayo...at ikaw lang ang mahal ko! Wala nang iba!
Balang araw, wala ka na...doon palang ako mag-iisip kung panahon ko na ring lumigaya...kapag wala ka na, kapag ikinasal ka na...
Ayaw kong manakit ng kapwa ko babae, lalo na iyong maamo ang hitsura, na alam kong mahal na mahal ka pa
Siguro kung nakilala kita nang wala siya sa buhay mo baka naging tayo na nga panghabang-buhay
Pero nandiyan siya at mahal ka raw niya, sabi niya
Bahala na kung anong mangyari, di ba?
Ngapala, salamat noong hindi mo ni-like yung litrato na isa, bilang pagpapakita na ako talaga ang mahal mo at hindi siya...pero totoo ba iyon?
Ayun, ilang oras lang, nagselos ka na naman, ni-like mo na rin yung larawan na ayaw mong i-like noong una
Pasensiya ka na...gustuhin ko mang ipakita ko ang lubos na pagmamahal ko sa iyo, may limitasyon hindi ba?
Bahala na ang tadhana...
Pero huwag ka namang magselos ng madalas
Kung pupuwede pa nga. huwag ka na talagang magselos
Ikaw lang ang mahal ko
Mabait man ako sa iba, pakikipag-kapwa-tao lamang iyon at hindi ko naman sila naiisip nang kagaya sa pag-iisip ko sayo
Isipin mo nalang na ang seksi-seksi mo, mainit ka pa sa impiyerno...papaano ka pa magseselos? At mahal na mahal kita
Sabihin mo sa kasama mo, sa kasintahan mo, pasensiya na, hindi maiwasan itong pagibig ko sayo
Mabait naman siya, sa tingin ko
Pero kinailangan kong isulat ito dahil nagdurusa ka sa selos nang wala namang kapararakan
Hoy mahal kita! Ang seksi-seksi mo pa, na minsan sumasakit na ang puson ko!
Puson ha, doon sa ibaba, pero ang puso ko naman, umaandar rin, para lang sayo.
-Dulo-
Pahabol: Baka sa susunod na pagsulat ko sayo nang ganito, hudyat na ng ating pagtatanan!! Biro lang...
Ang sasabihin ko talaga dito sa pahabol: Magdidiyeta na ako (malapit na) at mag-eehersisyo (gusto kong gawing perpekto ang katawan ko...masaya ito!) dahil masyado akong nagkaroon ng inspirasyon (ikaw)...Tinutunaw mo ang puso ko at wala akong magawa patungkol sa bagay na iyon
*Yes I*ll be talking to My Love in my journal in several languages haha...(but only when I get frustrated)
It*s like a secret love letter...hehehe
His girlfriend is free to have this translated too...Don*t worry, Miss K (soon to be Mrs. C), it*s not a bomb, neither is it a cannon! It*s just a love letter...
It*s a combination of a regional dialect and a dead language...but still easy to understand for those who know.
Why did I write it this way?
I guess out of frustration, because he*s always doubting my love and getting hurt because of those doubts...I don*t want him to get hurt that way or in any way.
Where I am, where people speak in English too, whenever we get frustrated we use this language and stop speaking in English!
If he does not have this translated, he*ll never know, but his girlfriend probably will.
Since he*s feeling so down, he*ll probably not be curious. Yes, I can read his mind (and heart, and soul)
HINDI SIYA TORPE...SELOSO LANG (At tuwing nagseselos, umuurong, umaatras, nagtatampo nang matindi!!)
Huwag nang mag-alinlangan pa Kung gusto mo ako*y lumapit ka Huwag nang patorpe-torpe pa Minsan tuloy ako*y naiinis na Di mo ba ito napapansin Na ako*y may pagtingin rin Hindi mo ba ito napupuna na gusto na rin kita Huwag nang mag-alinlangan pa Kung gusto mo ako*y lumapit ka Huwag nang patorpe-torpe pa Minsan tuloy ako*y naiinis na Bakit ka ganyan Puros ligaw tingin ka na lang At kung minsan lalapit ka na Bakit biglang tumalikod pa
Urong-sulong ka Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka Urong-sulong ka Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka
Huwag nang pag-iisipan pa Kung gusto mo ako aminin mo na Huwag nang patorpe-torpe pa Minsan tuloy ako\'y naiinis na Bakit ka ganyan hindi kita maintindihan Damdamin mo\'y tinatago pa Mabuti pang sabihin mo na
Urong-sulong ka Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka Urong-sulong ka Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka Urong-sulong ka Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka Urong-sulong ka Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka
Naman-naman! Ano ba ito!! Siguro talagang tinamaan lang ako talaga kaya maski wala na kami, nag-eemote pa rin kami...hindi lang ako ha!
Kapalaran siguro talaga...Ingat na ingat na nga ako na hindi siya magselos, pero sadyang matampuhin...talagang itinadhana na magkakahiwalay rin kami...ito na iyon siguro...Mahal ko siya
Like a kitten up a tree, won*t you come and rescue me?
I
Why does my heart beat this way?
Every time you walk by,
It*s always the same...
Oh why do I tremble within,
send a shiver through my skin...
is this how love begins?
II
Why does this feeling exist?
I*m unable to resist what*s happening to me
Why do I feel so alive?
Am I being mesmerized
by the stars in your eyes?
Bridge:
I can*t stop, don*t wanna stop what*s going
through me...
Like a kitten up a tree, won*t you come
and rescue me?
III
Why does this feeling occur?
Is it something you*ve stirred
deep within in me?
Oh why do I triple my time,
leave a sentence undone...?
Now I know you*re The One
(Intrumental) (Repeat Stanza I)
Why oh why?
(Instumental) (Fade)
The lyrics from Lyrics007 (copy-pasted) and other sites that copy-pasted this to their lyrics pages (asterisks added as a replacement for the defective apostrophe function in this journal which actually appears as "\'" so asterisks have to be used):
WHY
Why does my heart feel this way Everytime you walk by it?s always The same oh why do I tremble with it Send a shiver trough my skin Is this how loves begins why Does this feeling exists I*m unable To resist what*s happening to me
Why do I feel so alike and our being makes Me rise by the stars in your eyes I can*t stop don*t want to stop what*s going Trough me like a kitten up a tree want you Come and rescue me
Why does this feeling accured it is something You start? deep within in me Oh why do I tripp on more time give a certains I am dying now I know your why
Why does my heart beat his way everytime you Walk by it?s always the same Oh why do I tremble with it send a shiver Trough my skin is this how loves begins Why oh why
