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Journal for amypinkglassJournal for amypinkglass
[Note: This article is written in ENGLISH except for the initial remark]


Kasi sunud-sunod na ang mga pangyayari...nagselos siya (kamakailan lang), pagkatapos naiinis siya nang tuluyan na naging hindi-mapagpatawad-na-galit na todo...Wala nang pag-asa...malamang...


It*s because of events happening one after the other...he got jealous (just recently), and then he got so infinitely annoyed that it turned to absolute, unforgiving anger...No more hope...most probably...

Our favorite author (his and mine) had said:

"A man forgets but doesn*t forgive, a woman forgives but doesn*t forget..."

We both tend to believe almost everything our fave author says (written inside his adventure books), including this one (Well after I forgive, I forget....so that*s not entirely correct...but I believe the man*s-anger-part of the quote)

So I guess that*s the end of it...Once anger sets in, there is no forgiveness from a man.

There*s one possibility, and is one in a billion...that he*ll see it all later in a different light..I don*t want to describe how he should even see it, if he EVER does (because he might NOT EVER...NEVER...). I don*t want to give suggestions on how he must see the matter.

Our favorite author also said:

"Better to have one woman on your side, rather than ten men..."

Hence, I was just wondering if he EVER NOTICED which woman was on his side...Just saying.

Now this is fate. I didn*t dream of falling in love, I just live my life from day to day...Sometimes,

suddenly, your heart won*t stop bothering you about a certain man...It happens sometimes. Let us

forgive ourselves (for falling) (in love).

I know there are those who whisper to him that they "heard" that I was very evil and so on and so forth (by the way, some hackers are manipulating my profile, putting 666, 33 and 11...nasty, nasty...)...I wonder WHO those whisperers are...Do they have a hidden agenda,

a personal SELFISH MOTIVE for telling him something that is a blatant lie, insisting upon his virgin ears such an idiotic proposition? Would they GAIN SOMETHING from insisting that they heard that I was so evil?

Isn*t there any HOPE then??...Well, there is a very low probability to it but there*s a possibility (ranked LOWER than a very low probability) that the past would dissolve for some glowing, truthful reason...perhaps a realization that everything was pure and good all along...but let*s not count on that! That realization is so rare. It takes the right kinds of people...both the perceived offender and the offended.

How can you repair broken glass? If you glue all the broken pieces together, things will never be the same again...but if you go back to the factory, melt the broken glass pieces with glowing fire that is the reason for their being (reason for their being glass) then the glass will be like new and the past is erased...But like I said, let*s not count on it. It*s rare.

I*ll just go on living my life until my mission on Earth is finished. I don*t know why some guys love me deeply. Then again...I don*t know HOW he could hate me. He hates me. It*s happened. What matters is
that it*s happened. We cope from there, I guess...

[Composer: Romeo William Stodart][Performed by The Magic Numbers]

[UPDATE (Mar. 12, 2015): So why did I put it here in my journal? No deep personal reason, at first (it*s one of the mysterious, pretty songs that I really like and when I posted it here, it was not applicable to my situation because the conditions were not similar at all)...

Now it stays here because it*s over (he got angry again)(I have got the purest intentions for his happiness and all I get is scolding and anger...but didn*t I tell you that I believed in Fate? I still do. The fact that he doesn*t like me or love me anymore means that that*s fate, that was what was coming, we are not suited to each other, all that...We get misunderstood for a reason: It wasn*t meant to be!) This is what I guess: Maybe I*ve got personality quirks that make him see that I*m so not worth being with (in his eyes), right? Tough luck.

As with any heavy burden in life, it*s difficult at first and things are never going to be the same again...but sunshine is just around the corner...I just have to live my life like a child...I*ll cry that my lollipop was taken away, then somehow someone will come and say, "Look at this lovely yellow hair-wreath!!" and I*d laugh with glee (calling lollipop...hello...) and skip, dance, and place that yellow flower wreath in my hair and smile.]

[UPDATE 2 (same date) On the song itself: This is sooo not what he feels...]


Well, throw a circle *round a man with broken bones
But darlin* when I see you, I see me

And it*s alright, I never thought I*d fall in love again
It*s alright, I look to you as my only friend
It*s alright, I never thought that I could feel
There*s something risin*, risin* in my veins
Looks like it*s happened again

You always looked like you had somethin* else on your mind
When I try to tell you, you tell me "nevermind"
But darlin* when I see you, you see me

I wanna tell you that I never loved anyone else
You wanna tell me that you*re better off by yourself
But darlin* when I see you, you see me

This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do
This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you
This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do
This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you

This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do
This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you
This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do
This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you

I never thought
(This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do)
I never thought
(This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you)
I never thought, I never thought
(This is not what I*m like, this is not what I do)
I never thought
(This is not what I*m like, I think I*m fallin* for you)

I never thought that I could feel
There*s somethin* risin*, risin* in my veins
And it looks like I feel
There*s something risin*, risin*in my veins
Looks like it*s happened again

[Composer: Barbara Mandrell]



Let me love you, come close to me

Locked in my arms, you*ll still be free


Don*t be frightened my half-flying blue bird

*cuz my love has no walls

no walls, no ceilings

no walls, no ceilings, no floors


All my love songs are just for you

Sing them with me and when you do


Don*t be frightened

my half-flying blue bird

*cuz my love has no walls

no walls, no ceilings

no walls, no ceilings, no floors


Go on and fly high in the sky...

I*ll never try to burn your wings


(Repeat I)

(Repeat Refrain 3x)(Fade)

Message (This is not poetry):


You are half-flying because you have been injured by sadness and frustration

I have come to give a love which sets you free from this sadness

Hopefully I can make you feel alive, such is my goal

We fly into the beautiful sunset on love*s horizon

and partake of the rhythm of the waves

of bliss and contentment, our home, the ocean of love

Do not ever doubt my love for such will bring sorrow, misunderstanding and pain


So what I*d like to know is

where you got the notion to rock the boat

(Don*t be such a jealous guy)

The presence or absence of trust will make or break our bond

I know they speak badly about me:

It*s up to you to investigate the depth of my character,

and the makings of my love for you.

Time and truth do reveal everything.

[Composer: Paul Williams] [Performed by: John Travolta/Paul Williams]

Paul William*s version (made by his fan):


John Travolta*s version (made by his fan):


[This second video has only one picture (a coconut tree at the beach) so you could concentrate on the voice behind the song...and the music itself]



What would they say if we up and ran away

from the roaring crowd

and the worn out city faces?

Would they carry on and on

when they found out we were gone

or would they let us go?

Would they tag along or would they just...


...leave us alone?

We*d live in the country

Leave us alone

We*d make it just fine happy in a one-room shack

and we*d not look back, now would we?


What would they do if they found out we were

through with the little lies and the downtown aggravations

That we traded them away for a quiet country day

that we had hoped to share

Would they try to find out where we were, or...

(leave us alone...)(Refrain)

What would they say if we up and ran away??


Dier Kusuriuri did a wonderful painting which I loved and wrote a short poem to accompany it. Both the painting and the poetry are entitled "Forever Yours"...

I think that this painting speaks well of my feelings, that no matter what he does, I am here (well, even if forgets my existence, if it ever happens) (hope fervently not!) and every interaction with him, I take willingly as fate, whether they be crumbs of affection or an all-out wild escapade...at least, that*s what this painting says to me, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. Ditto for the poetry which says exactly the same thing (well to me, it does).


The only things calm, breeze in my hair
It*s not angry or sad, he doesn*t care
And all those things I left behind have disappeared
And everything I waited for has left me here...

by Dier Kusuriuri

Poetry/Description accompanying the painting is by the artist himself
[Lo and behold...rare apostrophes appear when I copy-paste from other sites!]

Sa aking pag-iisa
ikaw lang ang hinahanap ko
kay tamis na isipin
ng mga alaala

Sa aking pag-iisa (Sa aking pag-iisa)
ikaw lang ang tinatawag ko
di ako mapalagay
kapag ako’y nag-iisa

Kung nalalaman mo lamang
na ako sa ‘yo’y naghihintay
lagi kitang inaasahan
na magbalik sa aking buhay

Sa aking pag-iisa(Sa aking pag-iisa)
ikaw lang ang panaginip ko
hanggang kailan
kaya ako mag-iisa

Kung nalalaman mo lamang
na ako sa ‘yo’y naghihintay
lagi kitang inaasahan
na magbalik sa aking buhay

Sa aking pag-iisa
ikaw lang ang panaginip ko
hanggang kailan
kaya ako mag-iisa …

[Originally Performed by Cinderella][Cinderella was an Asian band formed in the 70s/I understand there is a current European band also called Cinderella]

This version by Juris:
Giliw Ko,

Minsan, alam mo ba...na mahirap magmahal sayo??

Minsan hirap na hirap na ako...

Oo alam ko, na misan nasabi mo nang lantaran na mahal mo ako...

hindi ko makakalimutan yan...Araw pa nga ng mga Puso kung baga...

Naalala ko pa noong una kitang napansin...hindi pa ako miyembro dito noon...at noon nga, parang antipatiko pa nga ang dating mo sa akin noong mga panahon na iyon

Nasabi ko pa nga sa sarili ko na..."Parang ayaw ko *ata makipagkaibigan dito sa kumag na *to"

Yun pala...kinalaunan...nabaitan ako sayo, dahil panay ang pagpuna mo sa ganda ng mga larawang inilalagay ko dito bilang miyembro...

at kinalaunan pa pagkatapos noon...

nalaman kong ikaw pala*y isang mabait na tao, mabait na lalaki

Sana hindi ka nalang naging seloso, kasi, alam mo ba, kapag nahihirapan ka, na nahihirapah rin ako?

Parang kahit kelan, hindi ka naging sigurado sa pagmamahal ko sayo

Pala-kaibigan nga ako...pero umiiwas na nga ako kapag nahahalata ko na nililigawan na ata ako ng ilang mga lalaki sa lugar na ito...hindi mo alam yan...kung gaano kita talaga kamahal

Mahal kita, alam mo ba? Hindi pa ako nagmahal sa lalaking kasing seksi mo, o kasing kisig mo

Mas seksi ka pa doon sa lalaking naging kasintahan ko (totoo yan ha), at doon sa lalaking nagtatrabaho sa radyo na nagustuhan ko rin, at inayawan ko na rin bago kita nakilala

...silang dalawa, walang-wala sayo!

Sana alam mo lahat ng naiisip ko patungkol sayo...at ikaw lang ang mahal ko! Wala nang iba!

Balang araw, wala ka na...doon palang ako mag-iisip kung panahon ko na ring lumigaya...kapag wala ka na, kapag ikinasal ka na...

Ayaw kong manakit ng kapwa ko babae, lalo na iyong maamo ang hitsura, na alam kong mahal na mahal ka pa

Siguro kung nakilala kita nang wala siya sa buhay mo baka naging tayo na nga panghabang-buhay

Pero nandiyan siya at mahal ka raw niya, sabi niya

Bahala na kung anong mangyari, di ba?

Ngapala, salamat noong hindi mo ni-like yung litrato na isa, bilang pagpapakita na ako talaga ang mahal mo at hindi siya...pero totoo ba iyon?

Ayun, ilang oras lang, nagselos ka na naman, ni-like mo na rin yung larawan na ayaw mong i-like noong una

Pasensiya ka na...gustuhin ko mang ipakita ko ang lubos na pagmamahal ko sa iyo, may limitasyon hindi ba?

Bahala na ang tadhana...

Pero huwag ka namang magselos ng madalas

Kung pupuwede pa nga. huwag ka na talagang magselos

Ikaw lang ang mahal ko

Mabait man ako sa iba, pakikipag-kapwa-tao lamang iyon at hindi ko naman sila naiisip nang kagaya sa pag-iisip ko sayo

Isipin mo nalang na ang seksi-seksi mo, mainit ka pa sa impiyerno...papaano ka pa magseselos? At mahal na mahal kita

Sabihin mo sa kasama mo, sa kasintahan mo, pasensiya na, hindi maiwasan itong pagibig ko sayo

Mabait naman siya, sa tingin ko

Pero kinailangan kong isulat ito dahil nagdurusa ka sa selos nang wala namang kapararakan

Hoy mahal kita! Ang seksi-seksi mo pa, na minsan sumasakit na ang puson ko!

Puson ha, doon sa ibaba, pero ang puso ko naman, umaandar rin, para lang sayo.


Pahabol: Baka sa susunod na pagsulat ko sayo nang ganito, hudyat na ng ating pagtatanan!! Biro lang...:)

Ang sasabihin ko talaga dito sa pahabol: Magdidiyeta na ako (malapit na) at mag-eehersisyo (gusto kong gawing perpekto ang katawan ko...masaya ito!) dahil masyado akong nagkaroon ng inspirasyon (ikaw)...Tinutunaw mo ang puso ko at wala akong magawa patungkol sa bagay na iyon

*Yes I*ll be talking to My Love in my journal in several languages haha...(but only when I get frustrated)

It*s like a secret love letter...hehehe

His girlfriend is free to have this translated too...Don*t worry, Miss K (soon to be Mrs. C), it*s not a bomb, neither is it a cannon! It*s just a love letter...

It*s a combination of a regional dialect and a dead language...but still easy to understand for those who know.

Why did I write it this way?

I guess out of frustration, because he*s always doubting my love and getting hurt because of those doubts...I don*t want him to get hurt that way or in any way.

Where I am, where people speak in English too, whenever we get frustrated we use this language and stop speaking in English!

If he does not have this translated, he*ll never know, but his girlfriend probably will.

Since he*s feeling so down, he*ll probably not be curious. Yes, I can read his mind (and heart, and soul)
(At tuwing nagseselos, umuurong, umaatras, nagtatampo nang matindi!!)

Huwag nang mag-alinlangan pa
Kung gusto mo ako*y lumapit ka
Huwag nang patorpe-torpe pa
Minsan tuloy ako*y naiinis na
Di mo ba ito napapansin
Na ako*y may pagtingin rin
Hindi mo ba ito napupuna na gusto na rin kita
Huwag nang mag-alinlangan pa
Kung gusto mo ako*y lumapit ka
Huwag nang patorpe-torpe pa
Minsan tuloy ako*y naiinis na
Bakit ka ganyan
Puros ligaw tingin ka na lang
At kung minsan lalapit ka na
Bakit biglang tumalikod pa

Urong-sulong ka
Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka
Urong-sulong ka
Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka


Huwag nang pag-iisipan pa
Kung gusto mo ako aminin mo na
Huwag nang patorpe-torpe pa
Minsan tuloy ako\'y naiinis na
Bakit ka ganyan hindi kita maintindihan
Damdamin mo\'y tinatago pa
Mabuti pang sabihin mo na

Urong-sulong ka
Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka
Urong-sulong ka
Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka
Urong-sulong ka
Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka
Urong-sulong ka
Bakit ka ganyan urong-sulong ka



Bakit ba bakit ba bakit ka ganyan

[Composer: C. Bendebel]


Naman-naman! Ano ba ito!! Siguro talagang tinamaan lang ako talaga kaya maski wala na kami, nag-eemote pa rin kami...hindi lang ako ha!

Kapalaran siguro talaga...Ingat na ingat na nga ako na hindi siya magselos, pero sadyang matampuhin...talagang itinadhana na magkakahiwalay rin kami...ito na iyon siguro...Mahal ko siya

Like a kitten up a tree, won*t you come and rescue me?


Why does my heart beat this way?

Every time you walk by,

It*s always the same...

Oh why do I tremble within,

send a shiver through my skin...

is this how love begins?


Why does this feeling exist?

I*m unable to resist what*s happening to me

Why do I feel so alive?

Am I being mesmerized

by the stars in your eyes?


I can*t stop, don*t wanna stop what*s going

through me...

Like a kitten up a tree, won*t you come

and rescue me?


Why does this feeling occur?

Is it something you*ve stirred

deep within in me?

Oh why do I triple my time,

leave a sentence undone...?

Now I know you*re The One

(Repeat Stanza I)

Why oh why?


The lyrics from Lyrics007 (copy-pasted) and other sites that copy-pasted this to their lyrics pages (asterisks added as a replacement for the defective apostrophe function in this journal which actually appears as "\'" so asterisks have to be used):


Why does my heart feel this way
Everytime you walk by it?s always
The same oh why do I tremble with it
Send a shiver trough my skin
Is this how loves begins why
Does this feeling exists I*m unable
To resist what*s happening to me

Why do I feel so alike and our being makes
Me rise by the stars in your eyes
I can*t stop don*t want to stop what*s going
Trough me like a kitten up a tree want you
Come and rescue me

Why does this feeling accured it is something
You start? deep within in me
Oh why do I tripp on more time give a certains
I am dying now I know your why

Why does my heart beat his way everytime you
Walk by it?s always the same
Oh why do I tremble with it send a shiver
Trough my skin is this how loves begins
Why oh why

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