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[It can be seen in my next entry...in the lyrics of WHY]
THE STORY OF THE GIRL UP A TREE:
Once upon a time...It just happened...He, the man I love and admire, came up with his new way of saying "I love you" to me, specifically...A moment to remember...
I love the song WHY (a 70s song) and it perfectly described my feelings for a guy here on DN...
The more I got to know him, the more I felt I didn*t know him and that felt pretty exciting too!
So I was always asking myself WHY I felt these feelings...
(I*ll put the lyrics in a new post later)
Anyway, he was my knight in shining armor and I was asking to be rescued (well NOT REALLY but the song said so..)
It is romantic, being a damsel in distress and only he can relieve this need...some sort of an ache for him...
So anyway, there was a point when he said he loved me...and this pic is significant because I was up a tree back then...standing with the wind blowing fiercely and he could see my white panties from below....just kidding...
This morning, someone kept telling me (at 5:30 am!) "He*s a PLAYER..." (Thanks for the concern, by the way!) ...Well, I didn*t feel it back then, neither am I feeling that that*s true right now!
Now that we*re apart for good, for reasons we didn*t create ourselves but were there...
Please, please don*t test me (because you*ve been doing that lately!).
I see no purpose...oh well...kicks, right? It*s knowing that the woman you left behind still adores you. I don*t want to fall into those tests, AS IF I have to STILL prove myself to you, so LISTEN UP:
You already know how much I love you. If I fall in love with someone else, the whole of DN*s going to know about it...and the whole world even, through my blogs...
So RIGHT NOW, all I*m thinking about, and wanting to be with...is YOU. (if you ever wonder again, okay?)
There*s no need to wonder anymore...nor is there a need for testing!
(And I had to exert effort here to tell you this, because if I don*t respond to your boyish tests, you*d be glum again.)
Although I*m still in uploading mode, a friend of mine is such a productive and prolific uploader that I might lag behind (too much) commenting on all of his uploads if I delay it any further (actually, doing everything 1FDC on ALL his offerings)...It*s my choice (to comment on all his walls...well so far, that*s my choice...I might change that if I become too busy) (Since I have a slow internet connection, what takes long is downloading wp*s...but like I said, everything about it is my choice) I don*t have to do it, and he never requested such from me...Maybe when I do this for all his uploads I*m really just dissipating some of my sexual energy...oops.
You may not know this so I*m letting you know (not that you would want to know, but I*m saying it here anyway)...I actually feel so shy and embarrassed that I have a crush on HIM (My Secret Crush), as if it were wrong to admire him...and my shyness is actually twisting my soul into a pretzel-shaped thing, out of shyness provoked by his sexiness). Just saying. (Wait...no one understands me, right??) (No one knows what I*m talking about when I speak about shyness provoked by admiration...maybe you*d understand chills and excitement better...with shyness added to the mix of unexplainable feelings) (Yeah, the same hot and sexy guy)
STATUS: I am TAKEN (well, just my heart, and not legally)
I think that when someone (like me) says that she is EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE (to any other man on Earth) she is just saying that she is obsessed with the sexiness of her crush.
I don*t chase him. I hate the very idea of girls chasing guys - generally speaking, it*s so unladylike and undesirable! We actually don*t talk to each other on the PM area except if it*s pure business. For example (in the PM area):
HIM: I rejected 3 of your uploads. These are the rules of the group, etc.
ME: Okay.
These aren*t the exact words, but I try to be as brief as possible, answering his business PM*s!
So where*s the affection and kind regard for each other? It*s seen in different ways, just never in the PM area...besides, if we get too warm and affectionate, it defeats the purpose of his "New Beginning" with his girlfriend (to whom I also give my wholehearted support!).
I try to keep an ACCEPTABLE DISTANCE. But I think that expressing my feelings on my page and in my journal helps release bottled-up passion...and maybe helps me function better on DN...I mean, not too long ago, I deleted my own wallpaper because I was love-dazed, believe it or not (I wasn*t supposed to delete it, as it had many downloads to its credit already, and yet...!!)...all from repressed love...unexpressed passion...chained melody!
(As some already know, when I say I*m crushing on a guy, I*m actually head over heels in love with him..."Crush" is just too cute a word to pass up, so I use it a lot!)
Well some folks are askin* if I*m not still flirtin* wit the man...
It*s like this: No!
Just that love ain*t a "thing" you can simply put down...and even if you decide to cut something special and push it off the plank...
well you just can*t shut love off like the tap or faucet
It will die....hopefully...or live and burn forever in our hearts and we can*t control it...that*s the point!
(Does anybody have a pill that can "Kill the Love"?? Yep, I didn*t think so either...)
[The following was transferred from my profile:]
I SOMETIMES don*t know if I have to reassure My Crush that he occupies my mind and heart 24/7 (whilst I attend to other things at the same time) when he*s not even my boyfriend...but the actual reason, if I need to reassure him further, though I*m a bit confused about it, is that he*s so sensitive to every little thing I do that he thinks is an affront to him, when I had another purpose in mind.
Well, that*s the extent of my efforts short of boarding a plane to where he is and reassuring him with an actual hug.
But maybe I don*t need to reassure him, on second thought...
Someone even suggested that these worries are just all in my head but I insist that know his heart...haha I*m STILL in love with him, aren*t I?...But to the concerned parties, PLEASE DON*T WORRY that I would dissuade him from his decision...I REALLY believe in fate and destiny...What happens, happens, as I*ve explained this very Asian sentiment in past entries here in this journal
(well most of you can*t find them by looking at the entry titles alone, unless you*ve read them before and have a phenomenal memory...which some of you actually DO have!).
[The rest of this still can be seen on my profile/front page and you can read the rest there.
If or when I update my front page, the rest of the stuff goes here, so that there would always be a copy of the things I wrote about him on my profile which are, afterall, mini declarations of love, and yes, my way of releasing sexual energy...I know you people will tell me that there are other ways for that...so let*s just agree that they all work to release pent-up emotion ]
MY CRUSH AND MY SENTIMENTALITY: Maybe I*m just being sentimental, but THIS avatar (Girl in the red organdie dress in the middle of the wheat field) (Girl In Red for short) was the one I had when he fanned me! Haha...now you know I*m REALLY sentimental...These memories shouldn*t matter in terms of choices, right? (unless you*re sentimental too)
I also remember the first time he put a note on my profile...I kept asking myself WHY I was so excited receiving a generic note (for all...!!) from him! (He said, "Happy New Year, Everyone! Take care!" or words to that effect)....and I was jumping up and down!!! You should have seen me...nevermind...I looked like a complete fool! LoL...Little things (like wanting to see a little bit of him somehow)...they reveal a lot.
At that time I was in denial about wildly having a crush on him...(and its accompanying over-active imagination and fantasizing)...It didn*t sound good that you*ve always just been waiting for this particular person to drop a note (any note) or comment on your profile...It*s like this was what you were living for...but that*s the truth...He was my crush already (although I told myself he was "interesting" and NOT AT ALL my crush! LoL)...
Take note that love blossoms in the most unexpected places...so maybe someday, it would probably be in a lush and exotic jungle...heehee
AFTER HE SENT THAT FIRST NOTE: I just didn*t have the opportunity to forget about him after that. He just did his thing on DN, he*s more serious than I am in achieving stats...so maybe it was all pure business, his showing up a lot...One thing*s for sure...he did not have to look me up to achieve great stats, he did not have to read those other things I wrote in other websites...my life and all that. So I noticed an interest in him through the extra effort he put forth just getting to know me. (But maybe I*m wrong, right?) Just saying.
HIS JEALOUSY: Until further notice, he is my crush. Or you might not be given a notice....you would hear it from the rumors...There will come a time when it would no longer be appropriate to have him as my crush (the day of his wedding). Actually, that went badly...I told him of that day, and his (immature) answer was that I couldn*t wait for THAT DAY to HAPPEN so that I could be FREE to BE WITH whoever it is I REALLY want! (whatever "free" means because right now I*m free and single!)
HIS JEALOUSY PART 2: It wasn*t I that decided on the course his life would take. I merely supported him on his decision, and now I*m looking like I planned it all, albeit supporting him on this. I never plan on things like falling in love, and now he*s accusing me of loving the convenience (to me) of his decision. Excuse me, I have no one in mind right now. Sure I have many handsome friends...but friends in the old-fashioned sense of the word...meaning NO SEX. (Nowadays, people have sex with their so-called "friends" which makes me gag in disbelief!)
WHAT DO I DO IF HE EXPRESSES KEEN ROMANTIC INTEREST IN OTHER WOMEN BEFORE OR AFTER HIS WEDDING?? It*s his life.....and I am just a friend so I WON*T SPEAK A WORD ABOUT IT EVER to him. My feelings? I think it*s normal to get jealous given my passion for him, but I won*t tell him. I*m not his girlfriend anymore.
HE STILL WATCHES ME: He reserves the right to go on watching me even after he*s married...and he won*t be caught. Just yesterday, he let me know he watched me as I slept.
What do I think of all this? Just that I cannot give any more information as to why I can*t stop him (technical problem, not an emotional one)...and so...yes...a hot and sexy guy insists on watching me even as I sleep...and...uhm...great!
HE*S A SEXY PERVERT: He once asked me to play with myself infront (infront is a compound preposition no longer in use today, unless individuals insist) of him...complete with a strip tease before that...LoL...these things, to me, ARE DONE BY WIVES ONLY!! That is why you marry...to have someone provide sexual fun...otherwise spouses might as well call each other "just friends" if there is no sexual component to their relationship!
Maybe he could ask his gf to do this?? Why me? Was it because I was so devoted to him at that time? Well, we all have the POWER TO SAY NO, so I exercised it. Wrong time, wrong persons involved (not married to each other).
But he is not just some pervert...he*s a hot and sexy pervert! And he*ll be so nice to be married to...that bride of his will be so lucky...imagine all that fun!!!
(Yeah...my Good Ship Lollipop will come someday too...No, it*s not a matter of believing it will! LoL...I will ACCEPT whatever destiny befalls me...I*m not a Pro-Action person, I*m a Fatalist with some action.)
(uhm...Fatalist..LoL....NOT as in Fatal Attraction...BUT...AS IN...Being at peace with whatever FATE befalls you, though you*ve tried your best...THAT was what I meant)
Someone told me, "That man is a PLAYER, he still wants to have sex with you someday, and he*s working on it now..."
And some said..."He*s just being protective of you so he watches you while you*re sleeping..."
Again some said, "He*s feeling guilty as hell for letting you down and so this is what he thought of doing to console you"
These three responses were typical...
And may I add my own response: He still wants to see me get dressed or bathe (I don*t think he has seen me in these situations yet...so to those of you who think I seduced him with my body...wrong!!!)...or see a nightie roll up to reveal a lace panty...or maybe he wants me to sleep naked once in a while...
These desires of his are not a turn-off but a turn-on...He*s sexy beyond belief, and very normal and manly besides.[/b][/color]
* *(I*m just a political writer)
I WON*T EXPLAIN MUCH BUT HERE*S WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT:
I*m a political writer. As it is, I come up against the powers that be, who don*t appreciate my meddling into the making of laws and fighting authorities based on my principles of freedom and justice.
WEBCAM SEDUCTION, FLIRTING OR SPEAKING??
No, no, no...I didn*t do that with My Crush! I didn*t seduce him or flirt with him. I NEVER EVER EVEN SPOKE WITH HIM through a video webcam! It*s all text with us, and pictures, definitely. NOT dirty pictures though..but paintings to express our romantic feelings. No one has anything on us!
MORE LIKE (NOTE that I*M NOT saying I AM, but IT*S LIKE) I*m a renegade CIA personnel like SALT (and SO MUCH LIKE a dissident whistleblower) (my life is in danger of course...that*s why I like James Bond movies!). If you didn*t understand that, read it again. I DIDN*T SAY I was formerly from the CIA.
So how is it that he watches me?? The webcam was planted NOT installed by me, and was ACCIDENTALLY DISCOVERED by My Crush. I know it*s exciting!!
So you see, I can*t ask him not to look! Whatever... (I try to hide...)
I also know that the more we deny something, the more some, but not all, will believe that their suspicions are true. So I*ll shut up now.
I just had to talk back to some who allege that I talked with My Crush through our webcams. No. No Skype with him...I just speak with my Mom and Sis on Skype.
Actually when I was creating my "Amber Pyper Online" wallpaper, it didn*t enter my mind that people thought of me and My Crush as being flirtatious and seductive with each other through the webcam....as if we were really doing it when we honestly weren*t. But I*ll tell you:...that he loved THAT part of the rumor
There were varied responses yesterday, when I posted the latest on My Crush and me. He still watches me, as I sleep, etc....and I got accused by him of wishing his wedding day were sooner rather than later so that I could be with some "Prince Charming"...
He actually said, "Yes, you got your way, didn*t you? How convenient that I HAD to be out of the picture so you could be with your Prince Charming...Hat*s Off to you Cinderella...You got rid of me with no one the wiser...except ME!!!"
So again I have to say to him and to all who care, that I*M STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM, MY CRUSH, MY LOVE AND MY FRIEND. Wait a minute...I*m the one who*s supposed to be jealous here, because he chose to marry the mother of his children (after the fight), right?...But I*m a fatalist, as I*ve said...it*s easy for me to see that loving and protecting one*s daughters goes over any emotional consideration as insignificant as romance with a new girl...I mean it. Our children are our priority. So I understand him completely when he made a big decision.
SO WHAT*S WITH HIS JEALOUSY, accusing me of having a secret...what...billionaire....still SECRETLY WAITING in the wings (until I get rid of him) (of course, that*s an absurd accusation for a woman so in love with him!)...Oh that...that*s just his way of justifying things because he knew he had hurt me by choosing what he chose...
He does not realize that I*m a parent too with the same feelings and I*d choose the same thing...Disappointment was present then I admit...but understanding accompanied it so the blow wasn*t that hard...
It was still a blow, coming from him, and so he feels guilty however...Making me bear part of the fault was his way of consoling himself that he isn*t a monster. He*s not. He*s a normal guy with fatherly feelings that are so strong. So it*s okay, you silly hot and sexy guy! I*m a parent too!
This picture was chosen to illustrate the concept that "Fate Rules Even In Love"...something I*m aware many of you would disagree with...BUT to counter that, there is that very Western concept of, in the words of a Barbra Streisand song "The Main Event":
"Fight for what you want, fight for what you need, FIGHT to KEEP the one (or man) you love, if love is what you feel!" SONG LYRICS (AND A PHILOSOPHY FOR WOMEN - AS OPPOSED TO A PHILOSOPHY FOR MEN) WHICH I CERTAINLY DO NOT AGREE WITH!! Well, why don*t I agree with it??
LET*S BE CLEAR that it*s the MEN who fight over a woman and it shouldn*t be several women fighting over a man. A man being fought over would just say, "Quit fighting, ladies. She*s the one I want. She fits into my criteria of someone I do get involved with." See?
Whereas men fighting over a woman is okay...A woman CAN be convinced by a man...a woman CAN be won...A man can actually prove to a woman that among her many suitors HE is the one she should be with.
A MAN, on the other hand, CANNOT BE CONVINCED BY A WOMAN TO GIVE HIS LOVE TO HER who*s not beautiful enough for him (according to his standards, whatever they are), who*s not acceptable enough, who doesn*t fit a man*s criteria, NO MATTER HOW HARD SHE TRIES. That*s painful, but a woman cannot force a man to feel love just because she wants him to. A man will gravitate towards a woman his heart WANTS.
Having said that, let*s go back to women fighting for love...
FIGHTING to keep the man you love (and either winning or losing after that!) is all about fighting, not love! If you really love your man, there*s no need to fight, in my opinion...but that*s just my opinion. Why??
There is no need to fight because if you are the losing party, real love tells you that he must decide in the best interests of all concerned, and you will allow him that freedom and respect..
.And if you are the winning party, there*s no need to fight either! You*ve won a long time ago!
So...what about when there was an actual fight for a man*s love, and the victorious woman is proud of her accomplishment? Well, we won*t begrudge a winner*s great feeling of victory, that*s for sure, but as I have already said, the victory is all about the fighting and not necessarily love!
I*m not specifically referring to the girlfriend of My Crush...but GENERALLY (just to illustrate my beliefs)...I have observed that when people STAY UNHAPPILY TOGETHER for 30 to 50 years (it*s just for show), and there*s no real love, the man dies before the woman does. People will say that*s biology, but most men who are UNHAPPY in their long-term relationships die of a heart attack...they die of a literal broken heart (and from being hurt neglectfully by the woman they\'re living with)!
And THOSE are the REASONS I see it pointless to taut WHAT ISN*T A REAL VICTORY WHENEVER ONE FIGHTS FOR LOVE...WHAT MATTERS IS DEEP, TRUE LOVE, NOT ANY SURFACE VICTORY...Yes, I know...most women disagree with my beliefs! That*s okay!! Let*s just AGREE TO DISAGREE, Ladies!
And if some men disagree with me?? Then they are not fans of DESTINY at all. I am a woman...my over-all feeling regarding this is what one of my enemies (Gary) said to me (he doesn*t like me, by the way...*thinks I*m too forgiving and am probably suffering from low self-esteem as evidenced by my giving more love than I ever receive...but that*s just an opinion of me by an enemy!)
A man who TRULY loves you, according to him, will go out of his way to claim you and show you that you are loved! (Though he*s my enemy, since he*s a man, I tend to believe that statement about men in love.)
By the way, the mechanics work ONE WAY ONLY! It*s the man that must claim or win the woman (chase her), sweep her off her feet and carry her, take her away because he loves her...and it must not be a vision of a woman dragging a man by the arm (she*s not strong enough to carry him so she just drags him) to her cave. It*s just so unnatural and unladylike. Call me old-fashioned, but that*s how I feel.
If you truly love a woman, go to her, claim her before someone else does. And if that someone wins, one way or the other, you have no one to blame but yourself if you really thought you were the guy for her.
In love, if it all falls apart, what are we to think? Once again, I think my enemy is right about how men operate...He said, "Maybe he isn*t that much into you afterall." I agree. And that*s life.
A mysterious song is one where lyrics that you don*t quite know were there were placed there - in other words, they have mysterious lyrics and yet, you later realize they were talking of a specific thing that actually has the lyrics RINGING TRUE. Love songs are included in my list.
*[Transferred to the journal section, where they are clickable] [The list continues to grow (because I can*t post everything at once) and I will number them so that when people check, they would know if there are any updates!]
[By the way, the list is an actual list, not some things I find out about and later added here...I compiled them years ago...and the new songs (for example 2011-2012/2013-2014/2015) were just added to the original long list]
[The important thing to know is there was an original list..called "2000 and Beyond"...so my 70s and 80s fave songs are not in here! That would be another list...and perhaps I*ll have a lot more in common with others on that one.]
INTRODUCTION: These are songs that impressed me. The genre doesn*t matter. I just sat up and was amazed by these songs!
"TO KNOW THE REAL ME, AMY PINK GLASS, IT IS NECESSARY TO KNOW WHAT THESE SONGS ARE TRYING TO SAY THROUGH THEIR LYRICS"
....Whatever praise you hear, however, take it with a grain of salt because praise is easily given when a person is loved...just concentrate on the circumstances illustrated in them.
HE THINKS THERE*S A PRINCE WAITING IN THE WINGS: If he means the F4, actually the F3 because Vanness is now a married man...then...uhm...YES, they do look like Prince Charming, each one of them, don*t they? So many Prince-like guys around, actually...and they are up there with the rest of the god-like men!! But no, I*m not getting married soon to a Prince of My Heart (isn*t that STILL My Crush and he doesn*t know it?!) nor am I moving to a palace soon.
]
