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Journal for amypinkglassJournal for amypinkglass

Please pardon my boldness. Not all who break up with someone come away with a feeling of disgust and hatred for the one left. Some are still in love. In our case, he was the one who got very angry, and I just cut it off knowing where all this was going. After you*ve been called a fake by your boyfriend, what love is there left in him? Would a girlfriend ever think, "Oh he*ll get over it...and then we can continue this relationship!"? Of course not.

So you see, I did the honors, the painful part of saying those words to break up with someone but it was he who wanted to leave. It*s not ironic. It*s all a matter of who doesn*t want to be the bearer of bad news.

I*m being bold because I have the time (and the gall) to ask if this love can be saved. For all I know, he has been sure from the very start of his anger that he did not love me at all.

Therefore, when I*m asking about possibilities, and am entertaining other peoples* question as to whether I think this love can be saved or not, know that I*m just so glad to speculate because all hope is not lost in my heart. Why? Because I*m still in love. While one is in this state (still) all sorts of hope spring up and when people ask, "Do you think.........?", one is just so happy to entertain the possibility.

Why did I write "Can this loved be saved?" (Update: It*s now re-titled INAPPLICABLE ADVICE) anyway? One of the main reasons this piece was written was because I was truly irked about those giving advice on break-ups, as if it were a power struggle when it*s not. Yet they insist it is.

So I*m here to tell them that he and I are way past that, we*re into kindness and we*re not desperate for the opposite sex...Or maybe I*m missing something here...I mean, ARE WE desperate for the opposite sex? With porn and all that and sending dirty-joke-like sentiments to each other??? Wait a minute...Are these sentiments of...love to each other?? No, just sentiments of sex...sexual regret of..."What, you mean we never will get to find out what sex with one*s best friend feels like??" NOooooooo!!!!!! Yes, sexual regret...

There are trade-offs though...I preserve my body from the onslaught of failed trials with men for the sake of the peace of mind of a future love (if any) and so I don*t get to taste what isn*t mine YET or WHAT JUST PLAIN ISN*T MINE, PERIOD. And that*s the body and the sexiness of my green-eyed best friend (or former best friend, whichever way he views the two of us is just fine with me).

That was also written because I wanted to understand it better, coping with a loss...as you know, to women things become clearer once things are talked about or analyzed, and oftentimes we women overdo it, we over-analyze sometimes. While one is in the throes of grief, however, coping mechanisms are permissible.

It was written as much for him as it was for me. Sort of a substitute for the inapplicable, not to mention crappy advice we get out there, all about mistreating your ex and showing him/her who*s more powerful and all that nonsense. Their advice is NOT based on kindness! My hope is that, as we try to cope from day to day (and once in a while , we WILL get the blues), it wouldn*t seem that overwhelming to us, whatever the ending of this love story is.

Things are in perspective and it*s my fervent wish that whatever anger drove the two of us apart, it will cease increasing further, like the usual an-eye-for-an-eye scenario between ex-lovers.

There*s no DEFINITE conclusion to the piece because the future of love, or the future of any one love affair depends on two persons, not just one, and from this early vantage point, it is hard to tell the future (and if anyone knows it, I consider that person lucky indeed! Please do tell me how it ends so I wouldn*t indulge in wild imaginings interspersed with worry of a great future hurt...).

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