| [Note: Asterisks replace the apostrophe because apostrophes do not work in this journal]
Those who read this journal regularly already know that: to me, crush and love are one...I have my own Love Dictionary applicable only to my own beliefs and opinions.
Well, IF it is True Love (the real thing), who wouldn*t?
If you have found someone who fits your idea of a worthy love, why not?
Take note that before we ask any more questions (and they should be realistic questions) we are ASSUMING that the feeling is really mutual. If only one feels strongly for the other, we cannot even dream of such a thing.
Frankly, this is what I think my crush feels for me:
1. He really appreciates the fact that I think of him almost the entire day
2. He is flattered that someone like me likes him
3. This I cannot really explain...call me dense or whatever...he is so, so JEALOUS of several guys that I have mentioned or even talked to...and THAT COULD MEAN:
a. I am entirely mistaken and he is not really jealous at all
b. he could be a bit jealous but not as intensely as I thought
c. he is pretending to be super-jealous so he could play with my heart
d. the jealousy act is his way of accusing me of being promiscuous and evil
e. by golly, he really IS jealous of Wolf, Phoenix, the guy I married so that I could have a son, and a couple of guys on Desktop Nexus like someone we will call Fox Moulder (a code) and Dragon*s Lair (a code)...and if this option is the true one, how lucky I am that he actually cares!
(Just lately, my estimation of it has been fluctuating every hour, so right now I really do not know how he feels overall) (and screw my past posts about being sure that his jelaousy means love...it could mean anything!...well, yes...it could mean love too, of course...)
Given the lack of solid conviction I have about his feelings for me it is a miracle we even talk about this now!
ASSUMING we both feel intensely attracted to each other and are in love, then, the next thing we do is ask realistic questions.
The realistic questions to ask are:
Is he available?
Am I available?
If one of us is not, and I am talking about being "legally" available this time, then no matter how much we dream of it, the thing will never happen. [Pouring a bit of cold water on a romantic notion!]
But I am quite sure he knows, having known a bit about me in this area, that the fire of my love would not be quenched by distance (physical unavailability) and/or legalities...because it is a feeling in my heart and we do not have to legalize feelings or affections....
and what about the DREAM of "being one" with him?
...Well, being old-fashioned and all, of course I have to be married to someone before I can have sex with that particular person...so basically, we go into whether I want to engage in "IT" with him, and again, I say...who wouldn*t? He is sooo sexy!
Of course, in my imagination, I skip the fearful parts of commitment and running away from the altar and all those usual things...and jump right into the best parts  |
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