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...IMPORTANT: People...LOL... NOT SEX!!...I merely told him I wouldn*t put a greeting here on February 14, and he said he wanted one from me! It wasn*t a request for the sex act with me giving in, my goodness!!!
To those who come across this entry...
Well, at first I told him and everyone that I would not put a Valentine*s Day/Hearts Day entry in this journal...because it might seem tacky, and not really welcomed by him.
His reaction was that he wouldn*t like it if I didn*t have a special greeting just for him (in this journal).
So my Honey wins, and I surrender with love!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~
♥ ♥ ♥
THE SURPRISE FROM HIM ON FEBRUARY 14TH
To those who keep on returning here for developments...well, some of you have noticed that I have taken down the announcement that says "I am still trying to improve this card" (almost the exact words)...because space was at a premium, so to speak.
It*s also useful to know that I was in a daze last February 14th, rushing my greetings so that February 15th won*t find me with any unsent greetings...BUT at the same time I was sooo happy that my sweetheart left me another surprise to be opened for February 14th.
He gave me five red roses (signifying the classic "I love you very much!!!"...but ACTUALLY, the words were a bit different...in effect totalling FIVE syllables and MUCH, MUCH SWEETER!!!) and SEVERAL love letters (less than twelve but more than seven...clue: multiples of a romantic number)!
The messages in those love letters truly warmed my heart. He said that he missed me on the Day of Hearts; he felt desolate and forlorn without me; that I was really a good girl but STILL the "ruin of men"(LOL); that he loved me very much, and wished that we were together; and he told me that he ALMOST FORGOT to get jealous of my male best friend (LOL) but I reminded him to be, by writing that my male best friend was handsom.! He also expressed worry that if it were true that my male best friend would fight him for my hand and in case my friend was some rich guy {those billionaire rumors again!!} then we could end up not married to each other! (So he wants to marry me?? WoW!!)..He said, regarding his other girlfriend, that he was trying to act as if nothing were the matter (but he didn*t tell me if he was having a hard time acting that way). Finally, he said that our love was stronger than death itself, that we were connected no matter what and I would definitely make a great wife and we would be TRUE partners!
So what do you people think...Do you think I made that up? You be the judge. For my part, I*ll tell you right now that I couldn*t have made it up. I was seeking reassurance and was expecting to be let down, infact (infact is an old compound word no longer used today) I was expecting the worst!
And if you believe he left me those letters to be seen and read on February 14th (he knew I would miss him)...what do you think of his heart?
I also know you are wondering about my opinion on the whole matter, so I*ll tell you: Like any girlfriend, I know that he*s trying to be a good boyfriend to me, but he exceeded my expectations{!!!} of how a romantic hero should be!
Everyone, I*m still trying to recover from my daze! Is this all REAL - this WONDERFUL THING of THE GIFT OF HIS HEART? This is the BEST and MOST ROMANTIC Season of Love that I have ever had in my entire life!!!
So we*ll see what happens...
If you*ve read my earlier posts, you know that I believe in destiny most of all...if something isn*t for you, then it isn*t...and if it really is, then it is!
AS LONG AS there is room for thought that he belongs to another, I can NEVER be certain...unless he*s REALLY mine, you know what I*m saying?
He*s my dream-come-true...(so there*s actually a guy on Earth who*s THAT sexy and mysterious!)...however, at this point, there is no certainty as to who truly owns his heart (not to mention, his body) (and his soul).
I*m happy that on Valentine*s Day 2015, just a few months after joining DN, I actually have a hunk for a Valentine!
Since I*m "like" the "other woman" (compared to his girlfriend, who isn*t his wife yet, but was way ahead of me) (take note that I am NOT REALLY the other woman because when I fell for his mysterious ways, I didn*t know that he had a girlfriend! Mysterious, like I said!) I received my romantic gift early, BUT I have never received such a SEXY gift in my entire life (romantic IS SEXY didn*t you know....) And so Valentine*s Day is super-romantic to me...in fact, I have NEVER had such a romantic feeling as this in all my life! (and I*m in my 50s!)...so you could say I*m so deliriously happy this Season of Love!!
Actually, I see myself in relation to him as one like a friend supporting his every endeavor...and that includes any support he needs when he gets married to his girlfriend (Although this is certainly not a cut-and-dried or certain thing, I HAVE ALWAYS LIVED MY LIFE WITH VERY LOW EXPECTATIONS, hence I AM ALWAYS SURPRISINGLY HAPPY...another secret of youthfulness older people have passed on to me)....
Enemies of mine, who are shallow beyond belief (Don*t worry, they*re only from a certain country in Asia - from one country only - where the National Pastime is putting other people down), always like to point out that I*m perennially at the receiving end of the crumbs of a man*s love...somebody always gets preferred, they say...And so now I received my present early...it*s early...so??? Do they really think I care for the number 14 or something like that?! AND Who will win out in the end? We*ll have to see, don*t we?
It*s better to assume the worst than build castles in the air;
He is my boyfriend in the sense that my heart is taken (by him), and since it is a give-and-take relationship between us, then he really is my sweetheart.
But what if a guy has two girlfriends and he can*t make up his mind? Like I said, it*s better to guess that maybe...I*m so out of his dreams and plans. It*s better to think that way. (Well...until the day he ACTS ON IT..his love for me...IF it*s really there, that is)
I have already mentioned that he could possibly have that "HABIT of relationship" (with her), a habit so entrenched that you couldn*t get out of it even if you wanted to. Perhaps he*s already satisfied with his relationship that he doesn*t even dream of getting out of it?
I am a sweetheart of his, but on the side, not the main dish. Things could change, but I will not set my heart on it. I will just love him for the remaining time we have...(before I have to go off and forget?) He has not told me he was engaged, but even with that I*ll play it safe and assume he is, given the statements of his girlfriend to that effect.
Which brings the topic of my male best friend...the one who wants to be the best in the world, the one that wants to marry me if he could. I have deleted the main entry about him because eversince I wrote that post, he couldn*t stop grinning and teasing me (that I had the hots for him). He is good-looking and all that but lately, I have had to be on the defensive! LoL
This makes people think...I have a male best friend that wants to marry me (if he can) (well, maybe he can*t! LoL) and actually people will think we*re a couple if they see us together (because he acts so very sweet to me)...by the way, it looks as if he will fight my DN boyfriend if he ever falls deeper in love with me than he already is...
On the other hand, my DN boyfriend has his "first girlfriend" (that*s what I like to call her) who may or may not know how to love him, i.e. give him true love and happiness...whatever...well it seems that ALTHOUGH THE STORY OF THE SONG "I Honestly Love You" IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM OUR ACTUAL STORY, some lines there still ring true for us (whether "yours and mine" means we have our separate destinies of love or we have our own separate lives that cannot meld together...it still rings true right now):
If we both were born in another place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
But there you are with yours, and here I am with mine...
So I guess we*ll just be leaving it at this:
I love you, I honestly love you,
I honestly love you!
[UPDATE: February 15, 2015: I spoke too soon...He left love notes to be opened on February 14 (victory of love!!!)(victory over my enemies!!!), and I did receive my Valentine*s Day (as in "Day", precious enemies of mine from a certain country in Asia whose National Pastime is...) (Is it REALLY their National Pastime?? Ask them if it*s true! They*ll say YES.) gift from him. Question: Is it BETTER than the February 11 night gift?
The answer to that is another question: What are ALL the things a woman wants to hear from a man on Valentine*s Day...and I DO mean ALL? There you go.]
[HOW IT HAPPENED][THIS KIND OF POST IS FOR THE CURIOUS, BUT I ALSO PUT IT HERE FOR HIM, TO GIVE HIM MY EXACT VIEW OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, EVEN IF HE TELLS ME THAT HE WASN*T "THAT" JEALOUS, ETC. )
[POST DETAILS (again, for the curious):This used to be just one post...and that was the skeleton of the story. Now I*m editing it, adding even more details to the basic framework story and so it expands. It now has four (4) parts. Part 4 naturally has the most views because the whole framework or bare bones of the story was formerly located there...so if you want to know how many know the story, look at the viewer count in Part 4, which has more views than Parts 3, 2 and 1; the preceding part always has less views than the next part.]
CRUSH or BOYFRIEND??
Both. Things do develop...He was a secret crush of mine...Nancy-Drew-me, I fell for his mysterious ways...I think we didn*t realize that we were falling in love at the same time, and we tried to keep it a secret from each other...
But things happen...
OUR STORY:
He was my secret crush and he didn*t know it...Likewise, I didn*t know that he was very interested in knowing ALL about me that he even did some internet research on me...(he found so many things out about me!)(my sites, yes!)...I guess you could say that at that point he was already attracted to me...
There soon came a time when all of a sudden, he started acting differently towards me and I felt rejected as a friend by him. (I didn*t know if his girlfriend was putting lots of restrictions...but we*re getting ahead of the story here...REMEMBER that at this time I DIDN*T know that he had a girlfriend)
More than that though, he looked as if rejecting my friendship was a challenge he could win...it suddenly became important for him to push me away.
[NOTE: It*s a phenomenon here, at least I saw it, and about NINE MALE members of Desktop Nexus (you got that right...not one...not three...but I encountered 9 guys who were being strange like this and it*s a weird phenomenon)...(they) acted distant or hurt by me (just the men acted in this particular way, how curious...there were misundertandings with some women but that felt "not weird"/normal)...and the reason was ALWAYS(!!!) (I was really annoyed) that they were being TOO FLIRTATIOUS with me and I pulled away...(In fairness to the guys that act normally, there were a good number of normal guys that I met here on DN) Back to the abnormality...Does this weird behaviour make men intriguing? No, and it might create even more distance...EXCEPT MY CRUSH ("for every rule there is an exception" applies here) because, in my heart of hearts, I REALLY WANTED MY CRUSH, THAT HOT AND SEXY GUY, TO FLIRT WITH ME (so badly!!), and one of the very first things he did was to inform me that my charms wouldn*t work on him! So instead of flirting with me, it was like he was scolding me or something.]
[UPDATE: I guess another note must be inserted here...It*s necessary to say that at present, with him being my DN boyfriend, or boyfriend, period...I have never been treated with so much consideration, sensitivity and thoughtfulness...Now that he is my boyfriend, he acts so romantically that no one will be able to match him (at least in my life so many years, NO ONE has been ABLE to be this sexy and romantic with me, so I*ll definitely remember this and I can say I*ll die happy if ever I die soon! I*m not ill or anything, still having the exuberance and excitement of a curious person open to life, but we never know!).]
To continue the narrative on his initial rejection of me (remember that his behaviour was THE OPPOSITE of the common behaviour of guys here...NOT THAT I WOULD BE INTRIGUED IF A SECOND GUY TREATS ME THIS WAY AGAIN HERE, IN AN INITALLY REJECTING MANNER...THERE IS NO WAY ANOTHER MAN CAN MATCH WHO MY CRUSH/MY LOVE IS IN HIS SOUL...SO I COULDN*T CARE LESS IF ANOTHER MAN HERE INITIALLY TREATS ME THIS WAY, THE WAY MY CRUSH DID AT THE START, MIMICKING HIM, HOPING I WILL BE INTRIGUED THE SAME WAY...THIS IS NOT A CONTEST OF WHO THE MOST MYSTERIOUS ONE IS OR WHO WILL INTRIGUE ME THE MOST...SHEESH!...I COULDN*T CARE LESS...)
[TIP FOR THE MEN: It*s better to act normally, not overly-courteous {a big, big turn-off!!} or overly-distant {equally appalling}(it will look like you\'re TRYING TOO HARD NOT TO LOOK DESPERATE for some girl...just act normally and and a beautiful woman (whoever is your crush here at DN, and there are many beautiful ladies here) won*t gag at your theatrics!!]
[ONE OTHER THING: Although he, My Crush, at this point viewed me as the "ruin of men", he also knew a lot about me...that I was scared of relationships and was very defensive about attempts of men to charm me...
Maybe it*s a strategy of his to be initially rejecting me, who knows...ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT HE DIDN*T NEED A STRATEGY...HE*S SO HOT JUST THE WAY HE NORMALLY IS...SO EFFORTLESSLY HOT AND SEXY THAT EVEN IF HE ACTED IN AN ALTERNATIVE WAY, LIKE NICE AND UNSUSPICIOUS TOWARDS ME, HE WOULD STILL BE SO DAMN HOT AND SEXY JUST THE SAME! HE*S SO HOT AND SEXY!!!]
So to continue...he told me he believed that I was going to victimize him or something..make him fall for my charms and then laugh at him for being a fool (you read that right, he said these himself!)...so all of a sudden, he was acting like he was Buzz Lightyear, saying things (not as a joke but quite seriously with some anger!) like, "Your charms WON*T work on me, Enchantress!!!" that had me saying, "WHAT is wrong with this guy?!?")...
I consequently consoled myself by writing in my journal, that I had a bright future with someone to love me someday (I had suitors) and all that; he read it and he just went into a tailspin, like a storm, with uncontrollable jealousy, particularly his suspicion that I was getting back with my ex and that*s the man I really loved, according to him...and that shocked me because he was acting more like a boyfriend than a friend...
[Note: I have already discussed the difference between normal jealousy and jealousy as exhibited by criminals and wife-beaters...and here is the gist: In criminals and wife-beaters, their wife or girlfriend has only to smile at any stranger and she would immediately accused of having an on-going affair with that person...to them, it doesn*t matter if you say you don*t know the person personally whom you smiled at...you would immediately be called a slut or a whore...
In the case of normal romantic jealousy, actual things like real kisses or a real past relationship trigger possessiveness and you would have no feelings if you weren*t affected that your sweetheart was just giving it all away or was still being courted by her ex. See the difference? I*m again calling out the stupid mainstream media journalists on their inability to distinguish normal from abnormal jealousy in this one.]
Back to the story...
Anyway, to remedy his glum outlook and his escalating depression, because he was falling deeply into one (through jealousy), I confessed that I was madly in love with him. His response to this was unexpected, given the intense jealousy he displayed: he acted like it was NOTHING, like, "Whatever. Go ahead and love me if you like..." He was that way and I was wondering..."Where*s my ultra-jealous boyfriend?!"
I then wrote in my journal that he was acting quite indifferent to my revelation of my secret feelings of love for him, and that he acted like he wanted ME to CHASE HIM...I decided then and there to stop my silly dreams so I wrote..."Poof..it*s over!"
THEN he asked me why I told him I loved him only to take it all back...So I said..."Okay...I love you again.." (I wrote about this in my journal too.)
[Those who regularly read my journal might wonder, "Isn*t your boyfriend jealous of your male best friend, the one who wanted to be the most successful in the world or just plain the best person in the world or whatever it is he wanted?" He wasn*t a bit jealous of that friend of mine. His view is that no matter how good-looking my male best friend is, that wasn*t enough for us to be an item for the whole wide world to see...so he wasn*t worried about him. On the other hand, I almost married my ex (the actor), and I even had houses bought for me by my ex all based on my likes (hey, I RETURNED the houses, ALL OF THEM, okay?) I*m only guessing here, I*m not sure, but maybe my crush was thinking that the commitment present in that relationship was serious, and that to him was something. That*s his view of it, I think.]
[And then there was an issue of WHY I didn*t marry my actor boyfriend back then...it was because ultimately, no matter how much I forgave him, I didn*t feel comfortable having a spouse who kissed other women as a legitimate part of his profession...so the issue was that I was a jealous person. To him (My Present Love), normal jealousy means that you are in love - we have the same view - and that is something that makes him feel insecure to this day...that I had cared about my ex at one point, even though we never had sex. To my present boyfriend, that dead love is something that could be resurrected somehow...or so he fears.] (Update on my ex the actor: He*s doing very well with a very beautiful girlfriend! Great choice! No jealousy, just friendly warm wishes!)
[My answer to the issue about my love for the actor-ex being resurrected somehow: If I still truly loved my ex, I would*ve rushed back to him despite any obstacles...but as you can see, I was very open to life*s possibilities until I stumbled upon this gorgeous MYSTERIOUS hunk of a guy, who is everything the secret spy/agent in me ever wanted (Being Nancy Drew again or maybe Agent 99), my present love, my boyfriend!]
To continue (the account of what happened)...One day, someone talked to me whom I have never expected to encounter...his girlfriend! She informed me that he was no longer available. (Of course, I was shocked because I didn*t know that he had a girlfriend). You might think that I got mad at him for not telling me he had a girlfriend but really, there was no anger on my part for him as he gave me a feeling of being in heaven or in a magical world (love is blind, remember? As long as the other person loves you too then you have a viable thing going!); his girlfriend*s arrival though got me bit depressed and I didn*t speak to him (because by that time, I had decided that I had to move on and forget him) They had kids and she wanted so badly to marry him.
He noticed that I was being quite preoccupied and was trying to avoid him (little did he know that I was trying to forget him because he was already involved with another and I was even informed by his girlfriend that they were to marry soon), (anyway) so he did a little investigating...I*m not sure if he ever found out that the reason I was not speaking to him was that I had a bit of an altercation with his girlfriend...but he became even more romantic from that point on and life became exciting again...
Without arousing more suspicion from his girlfriend, we started running off to hidden places to talk...
There were many ups and downs, with him still suspecting I might get back with my ex (the Hollywood actor) (because my ex still missed me and still read my blogs)...I, on the other hand, will probably never be fully convinced that he is all mine. What if she was really his fiance, not just a girlfriend? What if he wanted one last fling before they got married? As long as I don*t see that I*m actually married to a person, in this case, him, then I don*t see why I can be sure that he*s really mine, right?
With that roller-coaster ride of fluctuating feelings, I changed my mind from hour to hour, deciding on one hand the he didn*t really love me, and then again, considering the other signs he showed, I concluded that he did love me afterall. It was this way for a while, figuratively plucking the proverbial daisy that would somehow tell a woman if a man*s love was real or not...He loves me, he loves me not, etc...Will he leave her for me, because he said it was a living-together arrangement of convenience for the sake of his kids? Or will he never make up his mind, wanting to have two women for different purposes?
Valentine*s Day was fast approaching, and so I put an update in my profile saying I wasn*t sure whether some anonymous (to me) messages of love he posted were for his girlfriend or for me..and I remarked there that it was "so unromantic" to not know WHO those messages really were for (or who it was he really loved)!
It was at that time, when so very many were going on vacation, that he said he too was going off for awhile and I was thinking...hey..we all need a break...
I calmly accepted the fact that I would receive nothing from him on Valentine*s Day, not that it was even probable, because his girlfriend was again watching him like a hawk in this wonderful Season of Love, as I like to call this time of the year. It actually felt empty and sad when he left.
Before he left though, first he asked me if I was really serious with my love for him, if I really loved him...and so I said yes, I was very serious about this love. Then he told he dreamed of being with me, and that he wanted me in his arms. I told him that was actually how I felt as well (I wanted to be held in his strong manly arms)...It was as if he took note of that, and then he left for the holidays (and I knew that he was going on a date with his girlfriend, well, his first girlfriend before me).
I tried not to think about it (their wondrous date), and I told myself that since I couldn*t even tell if the messages were for me, how was I to expect that I was anything special to him? I remembered the jealousy thing in him and I was really confused. At best, I told myself, it*s better to think I am not anything special to him in order to not be too hurt by events and so I just carried on as usual.
The very next day though, he was back! He hadn*t left for his vacation yet...what I know was that his girlfriend wasn*t suspecting anything. He was staring at me, so I said,"Well...?" And without a word, he gently pulled me closer and held me in his arms. He whispered, "Why do you still wonder about what I feel for you?" I didn*t answer him and he said, "I spoke from my heart. Those messages were for YOU."
Actually, if you were me, what would you do? I expressed doubt in my profile about being loved by him with Valentine*s Day fast approaching, and he took note of my worries and desires and gave me what I wanted (HIM). And that makes this Valentine Season (which includes Valentine* s Day itself), the most romantic ever I*ve had in my life! [My past boyfriend? Not to put him down or anything but he*s not even close - probably because of temperament and/or interests, but there is no comparison...because one is romantic (My Crush/Boyfriend) and the other, not, although I loved that person at the time.]
And so I don*t know about others* views on this but at that moment, with a hug that I wanted and the question in my heart answered by him, he became my boyfriend.
[This particular story ends here, but there are final thoughts in part 4, like the question "Can someone become your boyfriend through just one hug?" and some reflections regarding the future, where all this is leading to, and about the things I said that love can make you do, if you care to know. The actual viewer count is also in part 4.]
QUESTION: Can a guy be a girl*s boyfriend by way of just one hug...or a tight embrace?
ANSWER: Yes, if their coupling up happened the way it did us. (or something similar, as told above and in other posts in this journal)
Well I guess if a guy falls into fits of jealousy and depression, not wanting you to be with any other man but him, then he feels more than friendly feelings towards you...and it so happened that I have been secretly in love with him since I knew that he was looking into my blogs and was getting to know more and more about me. Since he*s really good-looking I think I had a crush on him even before I knew he was very interested in who I really was - it just got magnified when I realized that this sexy mysterious guy actually likes me....
I have many handsome friends but there are certain things that make a woman fall in love with just one guy...and what are those things? Different things for different women - the point is you fell in love.
(Answer it ALREADY Anna!) Okay, okay...it was the mystery of him... He was MYSTERIOUS AND SEXY and he liked Anndr (the painter) who*s a good friend of mine too (Okay before you get any ideas...Anndr IS very attractive AND has a boyfriend...so he and I are just friends, promise, even if I sound like a broken record from the showbiz world of secret relationships!).
Anyway...
Love makes you put up with many things that would seem incredible to other people. In my case, I*m putting up with the inconvenience of being "the other woman" while my boyfriend makes his mind up about which girlfriend he really loves.
I*ve said it before, that I*m quite prepared to lose him, if that*s the way things must go, if that*s the flow of life.
[What happens next? I have no idea. I just know I fell in love with him early on, kept it a secret for some time and now he*s trying to prove to me that he also has feelings for me. At least Valentine*s Season 2015 is something to remember with fondness...I*m content this way, that he showed me his sweetness and love.]
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