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Three men die on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

"In honor of this Holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into Heaven."

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on, "It's a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the Pearly Gates," Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They sound like bells."

Saint Peter said, "You may pass."

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The Irishman stuttered and replied, "These are Carol's!"

And so the Christmas season begins... and I sure hope the jokes get a lot better.

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Who says that men have no memory?

A couple were Christmas shopping at the mall, and the place was packed. As the wife walked through the mall, she was surprised to look up and see that her husband was nowhere around.

She was quite upset, because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone, just to ask him where he was?

In a quiet voice he said, "Honey, do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago? Where you fell in love with that diamond necklace, the one that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you, one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

He replied, "Well, I'm in the bar, right next door!"

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Don, welcome to my crazy world!

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Funny, sexy, beer commercial made in Gemany

https://youtu.be/MeLxs5elNQA

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Try to imagine a car body over 3-wheeled Harley Davidson

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y16ObVRvgOE


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[url=http://www.crystalscomments.com]Crystal's Comments[/url]

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https://youtu.be/tTDn604ipYY

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A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to an American Indian family, and is named "Ahmal."

The other goes to a family in Mexico; they name him "Juan."

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband answers, "Why? They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

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Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

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An avid duck hunter was in the market to buy a new hunting dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water.
The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."