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Full Name:DLS
Last Login:Today
Join Date:2/17/12
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About Me:I don't have any illusion that everthing I post here will be well recieved. I do expect a little decorum when it comes to comments about mine or anybody else's wallpapers posted on Desktop Nexus. If you give my stuff a negative mark please tell me what you didn't like about it. This will help me improve, thank you.
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AndruhaifPosted by Andruhaif   8/6/18 at 8:24pm

AlanasofiePosted by Alanasofie   2/10/16 at 4:56am
~Have a good day~
SkyPhoenixX1Posted by SkyPhoenixX1   12/21/15 at 2:10pm

Wish you all wonderful Holidays with many gifts and i wish everyone an amazing start into the new year 2016, with much health and happiness! I'll be back in next year!

Christmas Greetings

gubiciiPosted by gubicii   12/14/15 at 7:29pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/30/15 at 9:39pm

ATTORNEY: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"

WITNESS: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."

ATTORNEY: "How long has he lived with you?"

WITNESS: "Forty-five years. Your Honor, do I have to answer this... idiot?"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/24/15 at 4:23am

Funny, sexy, beer commercial made in Gemany


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/4/15 at 2:55am
I wish I could do this again! :)


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/1/15 at 8:09pm

A man from Texas was riding thru rural NSW with his Aussie chaperone when they passed a cornfield.

"You know back where I'm from, in Texas, our cornfields are ten times larger then that," scoffs the Texan.

Next they drive past a couple of barns.

"You know back where I come from, in Texas, our barns are ten times larger then that."

They continue along when they pass an open field with kangaroos jumping about.

"What do you call those things?" asks the curious Texan.

The Aussie chaperone replies, "Don't you have rabbits in Texas?"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/26/15 at 8:29pm
A successful businessman was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you."
The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued.

"I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, had received a single seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some
of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim
didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however, he just kept watering and fertilizing
the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot.
But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room.

When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful - in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back.

"My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the
next CEO!"

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified.

He thought, 'The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!'

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed, Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is "Jim!"

Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow. And all of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. And Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my dead seed in it.

Therefore, Jim is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/15/15 at 10:05pm

A man dies, and his wife takes him to the Funeral Home and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, "There's no charge."

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit," she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So, I just switched the heads."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/10/15 at 8:17am

The preacher's Sunday sermon was 'Forgive Your Enemies.'

He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 % held up their hands.

He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady.

"Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Johnson that's very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three," she replied.

"Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"

The little old lady tottered down the aisle and when she got to the podium and spoke into the microphone, she said, "I've outlived every one of those nosey hags!"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/1/15 at 5:53pm

A blonde woman goes up to a salesperson and says, gesturing to a product, "I would like to buy this TV."

Salesperson replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Outraged, the blonde leaves the store, dyes her hair red, and returns the next day attempting to buy the TV.

The salesperson replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

The frustrated blonde storms out of the store and returns the next day with black hair.

"Can I PLEASE buy this damn TV?"

The salesperson replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde screams and almost cries, "How did you always know? I came several times with different hair colors and you still say I can't buy it!"

"Ma'am," he says, "I can't sell you this TV, because it's a microwave."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   9/25/15 at 11:39am
What can you never eat for breakfast?

.............................Lunch and Dinner...............................

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   8/28/15 at 5:09am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   7/28/15 at 6:36am


A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.

The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for $5 a hole?"

The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00.

He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday, and make a donation. And, if you want to, bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   7/25/15 at 6:22am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   7/19/15 at 9:06am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   7/15/15 at 10:29am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   7/11/15 at 9:05am
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