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CAN THIS LOVE BE SAVED?
Or generally speaking, is a love affair that*s ended worth saving? Sometimes yes, oftentimes no.
More often than not, both parties accumulate a history of bad exchanges and more misunderstanding, because they don*t speak much to each other anymore (out of that deadly thing called Pride). ("Pride goeth before a fall..." now where did I hear that?) Whatever is negative gets reinforced. Well such is life, and if it weren*t, we*d have saved lots of romantic pairings by now.
He and I are a bit different from the other pairings though (or once-paired*s? how do you call exes? just exes!). I meant, we*re a bit different from other exes though. Just a bit. Why? Because we*re beyond the common, some say classic, advice served up after a breakup.
AND WHAT IS THIS COMMON OR CLASSIC ADVICE?
It*s quite common, even nauseating to hear this: "Don*t show any sign of weakness, keep your heart under wraps (don*t show it, for crying out loud!), and don*t let the other person know you*re suffering so much. You don*t want to look desperate, you don*t want to look weak, it*s a struggle for power. Whoever is more powerful wins."
My reaction to such a common yet strange advice is, "Wins what??" Keeping one*s Pride intact? Whatever for? Why go on hurting the other person as if it*s what must be done? If two people are meant to separate, they will; if they*re meant to find their way back, they will. In all of this I see no reason to hurt another, least of all the one I have loved much.
SO THEN WHY ARE HE AND I BEYOND ALL THAT?
It*s because we*re giving that extra effort to be really nice and kind persons, the best we could ever be. Whether love is lost or gained, we still stick to our principles of being as kind as possible to others.
In in the present phase of life we*re in (that state of having broken up) the character we have developed in us goes on being consistent, it*s who we are; and we strive to at least not add any more hurt than is already present from the misunderstanding alone.
AND WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER PARTS OF THAT STUPID ADVICE: "Don*t make him or her think he or she is all that special, and wanted by many, because his or her head is going to swell if you did that. Instead, treat him or her like he or she is nothing, easily forgotten, and then you*ll win."
Once again, my reaction to that is "Win what??" Win the game of withholding praise? Win the game of not allowing the other to live a confident life without you?? And why would you want to do that?
And in the first place, he and I are both aware that we don*t need to show each other that we MAY consider others, that is so obvious. There ARE other options, other people we can consider, period.
So having said that, we now do a short recap: All the things discussed in the foregoing are beyond us;
we don*t have to do these things anymore because we*re way past all that...
Pride?
Unkindness?
Showing the other person that there are many other fish in the sea?
Way past that. These things are for children.
I*d like to think that he*s as mature as I am. Otherwise, if I thought of him as a child and not a man, I wouldn*t have agreed to be with him in the first place.
By the time I consent to be with someone (consent to "be an item" and NOT consent to "have sex"!) it*s no longer about "the older one adjusting to the younger one" nor "the younger one adjusting to the older one".
Infact, it no longer is an age-adjustment thing but a man-woman adjustment thing!
(Sexy, innit??) (Okay...I just said that....hmmm...Passions are colliding within me again....STOP MEEEeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!) (Self-control...)
In connection with the above, we can say that if a man is relatively young and just starting to see what the world of dating is like, he may not be aware of relationship pitfalls nor how to choose a love that suits him. So again, it*s a wait-and-see attitude we adopt. Things will come together, things will be clearer, after the passage of time. THEN we would truly know if a love can be saved; specifically, if this love can be saved.
Whether this love can be saved or not, he and I are NOT dealing with inapplicable advice. All this classic advice is probably something that can be used by others, but I doubt that too! Generally, if there is still love in both parties, then you certainly can*t save a love if you keep on hurting each other still.
*Former full title - The Signs He Shows: Can this love be saved? |
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