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Full Name:Roland Fourre
Birthday:April 24th, 1962
Last Login:1/30/16
Join Date:12/29/11
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PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   19 Hours Ago

As told to me by a German

In WWI, during the trench warfare's, neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. Until one day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war. This private explains his plan to his trench mates, and they figured 'why not?' its not like they have any better ideas.

The next day, an American soldier calls out, "Hans!?"

A German pops his head-up and shouts back, "Yaw?!"

BOOM Goes an American sniper, and the German soldier is shot dead.

The next day, another shout from the Americans, "Hans?!"

"Yaw?!" - BOOM He's shot dead.

This process continues over the next couple of days. The Germans are losing large numbers, and they are slowly finally catching on. The Germans have an emergency meeting, and maybe, if it works, they can come back from the heavy losses using the same tactics as the Americans.

So, a German asks, "What's a popular American name?"

"John," replied another. The next day, the Germans decided to execute their plan.

At sun-up, a German soldier shouts, "John!?"

An American calls back, "Is that you Hans?!"

"Yaw!" he jumps-up... BOOM!

And that's how the Americans won WWI.

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   2/11/16 at 12:11pm

There was a lizard who was walking through the rainforest, he looked up in the tree and saw a koala smoking a cigar. So, the lizard goes up the tree and smokes a few cigars with the koala. After a while, the lizard decides to go down to the pond to get a drink for his dry mouth, so he scurries down the tree and over to the pond where there was a crocodile watching.

The crocodile says, "What are you doing drinking from my pond?"

"Well, I smoked a few cigars with this koala, and I have a really bad dry mouth," the lizard responded.

In shock, the crocodile says, "You don't say! I've never seen a cigar smoking koala. I have to see this!"

So the crocodile climbs out of the pond and walks over to the tree where the koala has smoked 4 or 5 more cigars since the lizard left.

The crocodile says, "Hey mate, what are you doing up there?"

The koala looks down in shock and says, "Bloody hell mate, how much water did you drink?"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   2/8/16 at 12:19pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   2/4/16 at 11:45am
Enjoy the video, sunlight, and hugs!


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/16/16 at 1:59am

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, "Joe, the good news is that I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. And the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for? He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery wasn't long, but it cost him $15,000.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a 'Men's Clothing' store and thought, "That's what I need... A new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly Tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years."

Joe tried the shirt on, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new Underwear?"

Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure, why not."

The salesman said, "Let's see..... size 36."

Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "Impossible. You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine, and this will give you one hell of a headache."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/7/16 at 3:44am
Was Wednesday good for you Roland?


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/6/16 at 6:39am

Black and White TV

(Under age 45? You won't understand)

You could hardly see for all the snow, spread those rabbit ears as far as they go.

"Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake, instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.

We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

Now, it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall Donny Rybolt from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.

Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a jerk. Yes, it was a neighborhood run a muck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.

How could we possibly have known that?

We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.

We were obviously so duped by so many social ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?


I remember that life's most simple pleasures were very often the best!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/3/16 at 12:13pm


Good morning and hello Roland!
Well, I found a picture of a guy that looks a lot like me. :)
I may not be much to look at, may not look too smart, but I have some neat idea's.
Do you have half a day to listen?
Thank you for being my friend this last year.
Will you be my friend this year, too?
I hope you like the music I picked out. :)
P.S. Have a fantastic week and year!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/2/16 at 9:34am

The other day Fred bought 2 six-packs of beer that was on sale at the liquor store, for half-off. On his way home, he stopped at the gas station to get a fill-up and buy a quart of oil.

Beside his gas pump is an attractive blonde, wearing some of those "Daisy Duke" shorts, a button-up-shirt that was trying to hold back more flesh than Dolly Parton; and she was eye-balling his beer, sitting in the front seat.

She bends over to get a closer look and with her bra-less breasts almost falling out she said, in a sexy voice, "I'm a believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

Fred thought about it for a second and said, "What kind of beer you got?"

!!! Good Luck in 2016 !!!
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/1/16 at 10:03am

Two hunters are walking through the woods, come to a clearing, and see a deep, dark hole, and one hunter says to the other, "How deep is that thing?"

They both find a rusty anvil and throw it in. The anvil falls so far that the hunters don't hear it hit the bottom, but then they suddenly see a goat sprinting past them, and it jumps into the hole. They stand by the hole disbelieving what just happened, and a farmer comes rushing-up to them.

The farmer says, "Have you guys seen my goat, Becky?"

The hunters reply, "Yeah, it ran passed us and jumped into that hole."

The farmer says, "That's impossible. She couldn't have done that. She was chained to a 125-pound anvil!"

I know, cruelty & animals, but this is my first joke of 2016.
!!! Happy New Year !!!
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/31/15 at 10:27am
I'm like a kid when it comes to new movies or cartoons, Roland.


entcoffPosted by entcoff   12/31/15 at 3:16am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/30/15 at 5:54am
New Year's Resolution - I never make a promise I can't keep...


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/28/15 at 10:33pm

A motivational speaker is giving a speech to 1,000 married men.

He starts out by asking, "How many of you have sex with your wives once a week?"

A few hundred of the men stand up, cheer, and high five each other.

Then the speaker asks, "How many of you have sex with your wives once a month?"

Again, several hundred men stand up, raise their hands and cheer.

Finally, the speaker asks, "How many of you have sex with your wives once a year?"

One man stands up, cheers, and hoots & hollers.

Perplexed, the speaker says, "Why are you cheering if you only have sex once a year?"

The man replies, "Because tonight's the night!!"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/28/15 at 9:56am

Two older men with Alzheimer's are sitting in a park, and an ice-cream van pull's up nearby. Bob turns to Bill and asks, "Do you want an ice-cream, Bill?"

Bob says, "Yes, please, with chocolate syrup. Don't forget."

Bob says, "I won't forget, don't worry. Anything else?"

Bill says, "In that case, I'll have some chopped nuts on it, too. Don't forget."

Bob says, "I won't, don't worry. Chocolate syrup and chopped nuts, coming right up," and Bob wanders off in the direction of the ice-cream van.

Forty minutes later, Bob finally turns up with two hot-dogs.

Bill screams, "You nincompoop! I knew you'd forget! You knew I wanted mayonnaise on mine!"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/27/15 at 1:14pm
I was un-plugged, because of lightning.

A proud Father buys a "lie detector robot" that slaps people when they lie. So, he decides to test it on his family at dinner.

The father asks his son, "What did you do this afternoon?"

The son says, "I did some homework for school."
The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Father asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, ok, we were watching porn."

Father says, "What? At your age, I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs & says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

For Sale - Robot - Cheap!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/26/15 at 8:54am

Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over 60-year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out...

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/25/15 at 8:30am

Jeanne Robertson - Don't Trust A Man With The Luggage


Very funny lady - preacher. :)

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/24/15 at 7:57pm

Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month.
The day after she passed away my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was
crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.
She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to
heaven, God would recognize her.
I told her that I thought that we could, so she dictated these words:

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog?
Abbey died yesterday and is with you in heaven.
I miss her very much.
I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got
I hope you will play with her.
She likes to swim and play with balls.
I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that
she is my dog.

I really miss her.

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey & Meredith, addressed it to God/Heaven.
We put our return address on it.
Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she
said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to
That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office.
A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet.
I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch
addressed, "To Meredith" in an unfamiliar hand.
Meredith opened it.
Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, "When a Pet Dies."

Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope.
On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and
I recognized her right away. Abbey isn't sick anymore.
Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart.
Abbey loved being your dog.
Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to
keep your picture in, so I'm sending it back to you in this little book
for you to keep, and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you
write it and sending it to me.
What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.
I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.
By the way, I'm easy to find.
I am wherever there is love.


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/23/15 at 12:19pm

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "My son is a house builder and he’s so successful that he gave a friend a new home – for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillac's."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker, and he’s doing so well that he gave his best friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.

The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is a male prostitute. I’m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be pretty good. Just in the last year his best clients gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio, for free."

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