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JLMcKJr
JLMcKJr
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Member Information
Full Name:J McKoon
Occupation:Retired/Disabled
Birthday:August 21st, 1953
Education:Tech College
Last Login:11/14/15
Join Date:3/15/15
Profile Views:4,956
Personal Information
About Me:HI Y'all!
I am Joe. If I am not the Joe you are looking for, relax and have a cup-o-joe, keep searching. I am not the only Joe in the word! (Thank God!)
I am a people and animal lover with a passion for dogs. I love all forms of art wheather it be drawings, paintings, photographic, dance, theater, movies...you get the message.
I am married, yet been separated going on 4 years. It's just me and my 3 little dogs so I have a lot of spare time on my hands to do whatever the heck me and other people want to do.
Interests:Driving, drawings, paintings, photography, people, pets, movies, music and dance
Favorite Music:Classic and retro rock, some new country, blues, jazz, but no rap!
Favorite Movies:Rose Red, Six Days and Seven Nights, Paul... manu, many others
Favorite TV Shows:Bones, Big Bang Theory
Favorite Quotes:You can get there from here
my own quotes (they are original)
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Profile Comments
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gubiciiPosted by gubicii   9/30/16 at 5:02pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   2/11/16 at 10:38am


There was a lizard who was walking through the rainforest, he looked up in the tree and saw a koala smoking a cigar. So, the lizard goes up the tree and smokes a few cigars with the koala. After a while, the lizard decides to go down to the pond to get a drink for his dry mouth, so he scurries down the tree and over to the pond where there was a crocodile watching.

The crocodile says, "What are you doing drinking from my pond?"

"Well, I smoked a few cigars with this koala, and I have a really bad dry mouth," the lizard responded.

In shock, the crocodile says, "You don't say! I've never seen a cigar smoking koala. I have to see this!"

So the crocodile climbs out of the pond and walks over to the tree where the koala has smoked 4 or 5 more cigars since the lizard left.

The crocodile says, "Hey mate, what are you doing up there?"

The koala looks down in shock and says, "Bloody hell mate, how much water did you drink?"


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/25/16 at 10:34am


Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Larry lived. So, he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry. But the next day, Bob approached the park and - lo and behold - there sat Larry!
Bob was very excited and happy to see him, and told him so.

Then he said, "For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you?"

Larry replied, "I've been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Bob. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Larry said, "you know Jane? That cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"

"Yeah," said Bob, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, she filed rape charges against me. And (at 95 years old) I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty.

And that darned old Judge, he gave me 30 days in jail for perjury!"

Enjoy the week, Joe. Play hard, play fair, play safe, and do well at practice laughing! :)
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/14/16 at 6:57am


While drinking at a bar one night a guy is approached by a beautiful woman who starts flirting with him. They talk for a while, have a few drinks, and at the end of the night the girl invites him back to her apartment. They get to the apartment and immediately begin to have passionate wrestling match.

When they are through the girl gets up to get a drink of water and the guy pulls out a cigarette.

"Do you happen to have a lighter?" He asks.

"Check the bedside table."

The man opens the drawer and finds a picture of a scary looking marine staring back at him.

"Oh carp! Is this your husband?"

"No, that was me, before the operation."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/10/16 at 12:22pm


The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers?

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say?

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He leaned forward and said, "Hello. I'm Phil."

The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."


Wishing Joe a very Blessed Sunday!

gubiciiPosted by gubicii   1/6/16 at 7:15pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/1/16 at 10:26am


Two hunters are walking through the woods, come to a clearing, and see a deep, dark hole, and one hunter says to the other, "How deep is that thing?"

They both find a rusty anvil and throw it in. The anvil falls so far that the hunters don't hear it hit the bottom, but then they suddenly see a goat sprinting past them, and it jumps into the hole. They stand by the hole disbelieving what just happened, and a farmer comes rushing-up to them.

The farmer says, "Have you guys seen my goat, Becky?"

The hunters reply, "Yeah, it ran passed us and jumped into that hole."

The farmer says, "That's impossible. She couldn't have done that. She was chained to a 125-pound anvil!"




Yes, cruelty & animals - this is my first joke of 2016.
!!! Happy New Year !!!
:)
gubiciiPosted by gubicii   12/30/15 at 6:35pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/30/15 at 7:32am

...for being my friend!


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/27/15 at 1:02pm
I was un-plugged, because of lightning.



A Father buys a "lie detector robot" that slaps people when they lie. So, he decides to test it on his family at dinner.

The father asks, "What did you do this afternoon?"

The son says, "I did some homework for school."
The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age, I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs & says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.


For Sale - Robot - Cheap!

gubiciiPosted by gubicii   12/20/15 at 7:28pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/19/15 at 8:01am


A drunk man finds a woman's purse and calls a radio station.

He tells the DJ, "I found this purse outside of Biker's Bar & Grill. It has $1,500 in cash, a credit card, an iPhone, and a driver's license with Barbra's name on it."

The DJ asks in an impressed tone, "It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return the purse?"

"Oh, no," he said, "I just wanted to request a really sad song to play for Barbra."

gubiciiPosted by gubicii   12/16/15 at 5:56pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/13/15 at 5:44am


Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor living it large – break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband replies, "Yeah, it looks like he’s still celebrating!"




PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/27/15 at 9:54pm


Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a goofy looking girl's bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.' "

The first engineer nodded and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway!"


gubiciiPosted by gubicii   11/26/15 at 6:50pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/17/15 at 4:58am



A burly man walks into a crowded bar, waving his un-holstered pistol and yelled-out, "I have a Colt .45, with eight rounds in the clip, and one in the chamber. And I want to know who's been sleeping with my 'Old Lady'?"

There was a long silence, then a voice from the back of the darkened room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/15/15 at 6:31pm
WHY NOT? We are alive, we are free, and through God's love we deserve to be happy! :)

PUNOGRAPHY

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

This dyslexic man walks into a bra.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/15/15 at 6:43am


I was wasting time at the bar at the airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer.

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says, "No, why you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No," I said. "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little jerk!"


MonarchPosted by Monarch   3/22/15 at 7:01am
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dreamies.de[/center]

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dreamies.de[/center]
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JLMcKJr favorited wallpaper #2041036
Title: Sunny day
Category: > Fantasy
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11/9/15 at 11:21am
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Title: Beauty
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Title: Autumn Fairy
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Title: Beauty
Category: > 3D and CG
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Title: Fantasy Girl
Category: > Fantasy
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JLMcKJr favorited wallpaper #2038182
Title: Fantasy Woman with red Hair
Category: > Fantasy
Description: Fantasy Woman with red Hair
10/31/15 at 10:16am
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Category: > 3D and CG
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JLMcKJr favorited wallpaper #1336472
Title: SPOOK HOUSE
Category: > Houses
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Title: windmill
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10/21/15 at 8:08pm
JLMcKJr has become a fan of RAVENLEE.
10/19/15 at 12:15am
JLMcKJr favorited wallpaper #2023337
Title: Old Steamer
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9/26/15 at 10:26am
JLMcKJr favorited wallpaper #2017896
Title: SUN IS SINKING
Category: > Sunsets
Description: ~ALL CREDITS GO TO THE ARTIST~
9/16/15 at 10:06am
JLMcKJr commented on the 3D and CG wallpaper Life stages.
Go ahead! Cheat, lie, steal, deceive, bully, and tell people what they should and shouldn't do. The end is closer than we think! People today want all the money and toys, but in the end it does not save them.
9/9/15 at 10:51am
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