gubicii 9 years ago

[URL=//abstract.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/1954679/][IMG]//dncache-mauganscorp.netdna-ssl.com/thumbseg/1954/1954679-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Puppydawg 10 years ago

[URL=http://animals.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/754051/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/754/754051-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[B][color=black]There was a lizard who was walking through the rainforest, he looked up in the tree and saw a koala smoking a cigar. So, the lizard goes up the tree and smokes a few cigars with the koala. After a while, the lizard decides to go down to the pond to get a drink for his dry mouth, so he scurries down the tree and over to the pond where there was a crocodile watching.

The crocodile says, "What are you doing drinking from my pond?"

"Well, I smoked a few cigars with this koala, and I have a really bad dry mouth," the lizard responded.

In shock, the crocodile says, "You don't say! I've never seen a cigar smoking koala. I have to see this!"

So the crocodile climbs out of the pond and walks over to the tree where the koala has smoked 4 or 5 more cigars since the lizard left.

The crocodile says, "Hey mate, what are you doing up there?"

The koala looks down in shock and says, [I]"Bloody hell mate, how much water did you drink?"[/I]
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[/B]
[url=http://www.commentsyard.com/today-is-a-good-day-2/][img]http://www.commentsyard.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Today-Is-A-Good-Day-540x338.jpg[/img][/url]

Puppydawg 10 years ago

[URL=http://animals.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/1173663/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/1173/1173663-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[B][color=black]Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Larry lived. So, he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry. But the next day, Bob approached the park and - lo and behold - there sat Larry!
Bob was very excited and happy to see him, and told him so.

Then he said, "For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you?"

Larry replied, "I've been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Bob. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Larry said, "you know Jane? That cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"

"Yeah," said Bob, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, she filed rape charges against me. And (at 95 years old) I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty.

[I]And that darned old Judge, he gave me 30 days in jail for perjury!"[/I]
[/color]
[/B][color=red][I]Enjoy the week, Joe. Play hard, play fair, play safe, and do well at practice laughing![/I][/color] :)

Puppydawg 10 years ago

[URL=http://people.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/27940/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/27/27940-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[B][color=black]While drinking at a bar one night a guy is approached by a beautiful woman who starts flirting with him. They talk for a while, have a few drinks, and at the end of the night the girl invites him back to her apartment. They get to the apartment and immediately begin to have passionate wrestling match.

When they are through the girl gets up to get a drink of water and the guy pulls out a cigarette.

"Do you happen to have a lighter?" He asks.

"Check the bedside table."

The man opens the drawer and finds a picture of a scary looking marine staring back at him.

"Oh carp! Is this your husband?"

[I]"No, that was me, before the operation."[/I]
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[URL=http://aircraft.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/708998/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/708/708998-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Puppydawg 10 years ago

[URL=http://architecture.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/1821723/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/1821/1821723-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[B][color=black]The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers?

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say?

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He leaned forward and said, "Hello. I'm Phil."

The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."
[/color][color=green][I]

Wishing Joe a very Blessed Sunday![/I]
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gubicii 10 years ago

[URL=http://abstract.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/1949346/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/1949/1949346-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Puppydawg 10 years ago

[URL=http://nature.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/185060/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/185/185060-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[B][color=black]Two hunters are walking through the woods, come to a clearing, and see a deep, dark hole, and one hunter says to the other, "How deep is that thing?"

They both find a rusty anvil and throw it in. The anvil falls so far that the hunters don't hear it hit the bottom, but then they suddenly see a goat sprinting past them, and it jumps into the hole. They stand by the hole disbelieving what just happened, and a farmer comes rushing-up to them.

The farmer says, "Have you guys seen my goat, Becky?"

The hunters reply, "Yeah, it ran passed us and jumped into that hole."

The farmer says, [I]"That's impossible. She couldn't have done that. She was chained to a 125-pound anvil!"[/I]
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[/B]
[URL=http://animals.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/1190006/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/1190/1190006-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL][color=red][I]

Yes, cruelty & animals - this is my first joke of 2016.
!!! Happy New Year !!![/I][/color] :)

gubicii 10 years ago

[URL=http://nature.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/1879746/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/1879/1879746-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Puppydawg 10 years ago

[url=http://www.commentsyard.com/thank-you/][img]http://www.commentsyard.com/cy/01/9307_thumbnail.jpg[/img][/url][B][color=red][I]
...for being my friend![/I]
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[/B]

Puppydawg 10 years ago

[B]I was un-plugged, because of lightning.[/B]

[URL=http://technology.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/63107/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/63/63107-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

[B][color=black]A Father buys a "lie detector robot" that slaps people when they lie. So, he decides to test it on his family at dinner.

The father asks, "What did you do this afternoon?"

The son says, "I did some homework for school."
The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age, I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs & says, [I]"Well, he certainly is your son."[/I]
The robot slaps the mother.[/color][color=red]

[U]For Sale - Robot - Cheap![/U]
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[URL=http://abstract.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/1957329/][IMG]http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/1957/1957329-bigthumbnail.jpg[/IMG][/URL]