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Last Login:10/20/21
Join Date:5/16/09
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Favorite Quotes:Madness takes its toll, so please have exact change!
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sundar223Posted by sundar223   10/12/18 at 4:04am

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/2/15 at 7:25am

A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.

"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand, Joe, who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week, plus free room and board. And then there's the cook, Mary, she has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week, plus free room and board.... Then there's the half-wit, Albert. He works about 18 hours every day, with no-days-off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, and pays his own room and board. But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon, every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife, occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to, Albert, the half-wit!" says the investigator.

"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/15/15 at 8:39pm

So, I'm riding on the bus and this midget comes on, and he sits beside me.

After a couple of stops, the driver slams on the brakes and the midget slides off the seat, so I grab him by the arm and sit him down again.

Next stop, the same thing happens so again I grab him by the arm and sit him down.

By the fifth stop, the same thing happens and I'm irritated so I grab him and say, "Hold on tight or you're going to keep sliding off the seat."

He turns around and says to me, "My stop was 5 stops ago! I've been trying to get off the bus, but you won't let me!"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/7/15 at 4:51am
Hello H Lewis!
May God Bless you this week, and next, and next, and next!


CiTiBoYPosted by CiTiBoY   8/9/15 at 12:18pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   6/13/15 at 7:15am
Watch this when you tire of muscled-up men...


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/12/15 at 9:55pm

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/4/15 at 11:03pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/3/15 at 4:36pm

A friend of mine was asking how I managed to get a black eye? And I was trying to explain about seeing these two large women in the bar, last night...

They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey are you two ladies from Australia?"

One of them screamed back at me, "It's Wales you stupid IDIOT!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Australia?"

wolloPosted by wollo   12/22/14 at 3:01am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/30/14 at 8:27am

A dust covered cowboy walks into the Saloon and saw an Indian sitting at the far end of the bar, sipping on what looked to be a tall glass of milk.
The cowboy announces in a loud voice that he wishes to buy drinks for all in the saloon, except for the Indian.

As the bar fills with thirsty patrons, the Indian nods toward the cowboy and says, "Thanks!"

This seems to irritate the cowboy and orders another round for all in the saloon, then loudly adds, "And none for the Indian who drinks milk!"

At this point the Indian stands up and raises his glass of milk and says, "Thanks!"

The cowboy motions to the barkeep to come close, "What's the deal with the Indian? Every time I order drinks for everyone, he doesn't get mad when I exclude him from the beer or the whiskey! All he does is says, 'Thanks!' "

The barkeep, leans toward the cowboy, "He only drinks milk. He never drinks anything else, just the milk..."

The cowboy shouts, "DRINKS FOR EVERYONE IN THE BAR!"
and he pulls a $100-bill from his pocket, places it on the bar, and slides it toward the barkeep, who places it in the cash register, and closes the drawer.

The barkeep leans toward the cowboy, "You didn't let me finish..." he said. "The Indian never gets mad. He owns the Saloon!"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/17/14 at 3:29am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/27/14 at 5:29am
I don't drink, but I thought these were good words spoken between truly great friends.

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/16/14 at 5:45am
Imagine how hard it is to travel?

Igor, from the movie: "Young Frankenstein" is he moving?

Have you got a fear of falling?

How much did I drink last night?

Is this cat stoned, or what's his problem?

Can you rate this photographed experience?

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   9/23/14 at 1:42am
TWO NUNS (survival)

There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from The convent.

SM: "Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants?"

SL: "It's logical, he wants to rape us."

SM: "Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster."

SM: "It's not working."

SL: "Of course, it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too."

SM: "So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute."

SL: "The only logical thing we can do is split up. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both."

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: "Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened?"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me."

SM: "Yes, yes! But what happened then?"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could."

SM: "And?"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. He reached me."

SM: "Oh, dear! What did you do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up."

SM: "Oh, Sister! What did the man do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants."

SM: "Oh, no! What happened then?"

SL: "Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down."

And for those of you who thought it would be a dirty joke?
I'll say a prayer for you!
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   7/29/14 at 8:52am


A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.

She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard, to the arresting officer who took her away, complaining and criticizing throughout the process.

When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had stolen from the store?

The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."

The judge then asked why she did it?

She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."

The judge asked how many peaches were in the can?

She replied, "Nine, but what do you care about that?"

The judge patiently said, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail - one day for each peach."

As the judge was about to drop gavel, the lady's long suffering husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak.

The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?"

The husband said, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   6/25/14 at 9:01pm
Only 2-Months ago

Thought to be snow, but snow doesn't shatter!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   6/10/14 at 5:28am

There is a poem told by a Father to his son about love, life, and how different men are... compared to women. It told of how the women needed to be secure in their surroundings, and they should know that they would always be protected by the man in their life.
It started like this: "Once there were two birds..."
Darn! I forgot how it went!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   6/6/14 at 3:16am

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   6/4/14 at 5:22pm
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