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Full Name:Amber Fire
Last Login:6/19/16
Join Date:5/11/11
Profile Views:12,757
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About Me:I am a writer, I have published my first children's book last year and am working on a second. I have won several awards in poetry which i started out writing before publishing my 1st book. I dabble in Graphic Designs, Love nature and animals.
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cat-loverPosted by cat-lover   4/1/17 at 11:29pm
Hello everyone I have just had the following message from david I will contact each and everyone of you to make sure you get this message, Please keep david in your thoughts and prayers at this very stressful time for him

Jackie, I'm here at the nursing home and I'm with mom and I believe that I will be losing my mom at some point so if you could let everyone know I'd greatly appreciate that so very much!!!
gubiciiPosted by gubicii   2/26/16 at 6:05pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/6/16 at 7:25am

Black and White TV

(Under age 45? You won't understand)

You could hardly see for all the snow, spread those rabbit ears as far as they go.

"Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake, instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.

We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

Now, it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall Donny Rybolt from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.

Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a jerk. Yes, it was a neighborhood run a muck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.

How could we possibly have known that?

We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.

We were obviously so duped by so many social ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?


I remember that life's most simple pleasures were very often the best!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/18/15 at 7:34am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/16/15 at 5:57pm

A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Every Fill-Up."
Billy Bob pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Billy Bob guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were very close, the lucky number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, Billy Bob, with his friend Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again
Billy Bob asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number.
Billy Bob guessed 2. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3, you were very close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, Bubba said to Billy Bob, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all."

Billy Bob replied, "No it's genuine enough, Bubba. My wife has won twice in the last 2 weeks."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/6/15 at 6:40am

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/4/15 at 5:28am
You're only as old as you think you are! :)


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/14/15 at 8:36pm

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album's gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it's pretty good. By the way, how's the golf?"

Nicklaus replies, "Not too bad. I m not winning as much as I used to, but I'm still making a bit of money. I had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that worked out now."

"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.

"You play golf!?" asks Jack.

Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."

"But I... you're blind! How can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.

"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.

"But how do you putt?" Nicklaus wondered.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."

Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"

"I play off scratch," Stevie assures Jack.

Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."

Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?"

"I don't care - any night next week is OK with me."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/10/15 at 8:24am

The preacher's Sunday sermon was 'Forgive Your Enemies.'

He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 % held up their hands.

He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady.

"Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Johnson that's very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three," she replied.

"Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"

The little old lady tottered down the aisle and when she got to the podium and spoke into the microphone, she said, "I've outlived every one of those nosey hags!"

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/1/15 at 6:30pm

A blonde woman goes up to a salesperson and says, gesturing to a product, "I would like to buy this TV."

Salesperson replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Outraged, the blonde leaves the store, dyes her hair red, and returns the next day attempting to buy the TV.

The salesperson replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

The frustrated blonde storms out of the store and returns the next day with black hair.

"Can I PLEASE buy this damn TV?"

The salesperson replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde screams and almost cries, "How did you always know? I came several times with different hair colors and you still say I can't buy it!"

"Well, Amber," he says, "I can't sell you this TV, because it's a microwave."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   9/22/15 at 8:54am

"Honey?" said a husband to his wife, "I've invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, I look a mess, all the dishes are dirty, the kids are cranky, and I don’t feel like cooking any fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because he's thinking about getting married."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   9/17/15 at 11:31am

A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw. He calls out to a guy walking on the street below.

"Hey, Buddy! Do you see my ear down there?"

The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"

"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   8/30/15 at 1:35am
"Here Comes the Girls" Grandma & Ginga.


(combined hilarity within)

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   8/28/15 at 5:44am
lillyruyPosted by lillyruy   8/22/15 at 10:10am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   8/10/15 at 9:07am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   8/6/15 at 6:33am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   7/23/15 at 7:04am


Happy tune and happy day!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   7/15/15 at 9:01pm
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