[url=https://www.dreamies.de][/url]

~MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY DEAR FRIEND!~

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Black and White TV

(Under age 45? You won't understand)

You could hardly see for all the snow, spread those rabbit ears as far as they go.

"Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake, instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.

We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

Now, it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall Donny Rybolt from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.

Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a jerk. Yes, it was a neighborhood run a muck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.

How could we possibly have known that?

We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.

We were obviously so duped by so many social ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!

I remember that life's most simple pleasures were very often the best!

HAVE A GOOD DAY

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Two hunters are walking through the woods, come to a clearing, and see a deep, dark hole, and one hunter says to the other, "How deep is that thing?"

They both find a rusty anvil and throw it in. The anvil falls so far that the hunters don't hear it hit the bottom, but then they suddenly see a goat sprinting past them, and it jumps into the hole. They stand by the hole disbelieving what just happened, and a farmer comes rushing-up to them.

The farmer says, "Have you guys seen my goat, Becky?"

The hunters reply, "Yeah, it ran passed us and jumped into that hole."

The farmer says, "That's impossible. She couldn't have done that. She was chained to a 125-pound anvil!"


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I know, cruelty & animals - this is my first joke of 2016.
!!! Happy New Year !!!

https://youtu.be/_5BGRCryrOU

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[url=http://www.commentsyard.com/thank-you/][/url]
...for being my friend!

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Two elderly women walk from the parking lot, onto the Florida beach, overlooking the ocean. They sit down and slowly strike up a conversation.

"So, you moved down here, after you retired. What did you do before?"

"I was in the sporting goods business. I started out selling socks from a cart. Before long I had a little store. The business grew, slowly at first, but after thirty years I owned the biggest sporting goods store for fifty miles. I wanted to slow down a little and enjoy my success, but none of the kids were interested in the business, and I had a hard time finding a buyer. Then, tragically, the store burned to the ground. Luckily, I had good insurance. It paid off more than enough to retire on, so here I am! What about you?"

"My story is much the same. I spent my life in the shoe business, until a flood wiped me out. Insurance saved me as well. I decided not to rebuild, just moved down here to relax."

"Wow, that's something. I have one question, though."

"What's that?"

"How do you start a flood?"

Share your smile & I guarantee you'll have a happy day!

12/29/2015

I've had my computer un-plugged, because of lightning!

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Two older men with Alzheimer's are sitting in a park, and an ice-cream van pull's up nearby. Bob turns to Bill and asks, "Do you want an ice-cream, Bill?"

Bob says, "Yes, please, with chocolate syrup. Don't forget."

Bob says, "I won't forget, don't worry. Anything else?"

Bill says, "In that case, I'll have some chopped nuts on it, too. Don't forget."

Bob says, "I won't, don't worry. Chocolate syrup and chopped nuts, coming right up," and Bob wanders off in the direction of the ice-cream van.

Forty minutes later, Bob finally turns up with two hot-dogs.

Bill screams, "You nincompoop! I knew you'd forget! You knew I wanted mayonnaise on mine!"


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Jeanne Robertson - Don't Trust A Man With The Luggage

https://youtu.be/XtknMuXY-NI

Very funny lady - preacher.

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A couple of nights ago, Fred was out celebrating an early Christmas, of drinks with friends at the local saloon. He had a few too many beers, and then topped it off with a margarita; not a good idea.

Knowing full well he was over the drinking limit, he did something he had never done before - he took a taxi home.

Sure enough, they came to a police road block, but because it's a taxi they waved it past.

Fred arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, because he's never driven a taxi before, and not too sure of where he got it.


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I don't drink, but laugh at those who do!

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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"


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https://youtu.be/kMhw5MFYU0s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW9B5ZuRdAw


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ith-white-peacock/][/url]