Puppydawg 10 years ago

[color=red][I]Go and do everything you want to do, experience life as a daredevil, be as happy as a care-free child![/I][/color]

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[B][color=black]"You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.

She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have sex again, Doctor?"

The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened.

The girl was alarmed, "What's the matter Doctor? I'll be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine... It's just that... no one has ever asked me [U]that[/U] question... after having their tonsils removed."
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Puppydawg 10 years ago

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[B][color=maroon][U]A Farmer's Advice Learned From the Seat of a Tractor[/U]

[I]Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered…...not yelled.

Meanness don't just happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about, isn't ever going to happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time..

Don't interfere with something that isn't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every morning.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lots of that comes from bad judgment.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.

Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.[/I]
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Puppydawg 10 years ago

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[B][color=black][I]A man dies, and his wife takes him to the Funeral Home and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, "There's no charge."

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit," she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So, I just switched the heads."[/I]
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LAVAJAVA 10 years ago

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JAVAJODI 10 years ago

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Puppydawg 10 years ago

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[B][color=black][I]I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again." Joseph grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.[/I]
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CiTiBoY 10 years ago

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CiTiBoY 10 years ago

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CiTiBoY 11 years ago

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katehatheway 11 years ago

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