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When I wrote this (paragraph in red) I was being pessimistic because the break-up was depressing of course:
[BY THE WAY: The more times you have broken up, the less likely it is that you were meant to be for each other...unless you beat the odds....but we mustn*t pin our hopes on rare things...like beating the odds....I think...]
The contents of my article on Umbrella Girl transferred here:
[The former graphics and articles about my then-bf Harry have been transferred to that secret blog I talked about in the original amypinkglass (which I can*t access now)...the secret blog*s name is THE SEXIEST MAN ON EARTH. It was created in June of 2015 I think...now it houses those articles about Superman, My Jealousy and all that...including The Gift.]
(and now I rant for about FOUR paragraphs about how NO break-up can ever be THAT sweet!...)
I have not had time to write a full article on it (probably triple the length of this?)...but yes, we broke up. I don*t actually buy what happened, we fought about how soon we were to marry, and at first I might have seemed unreasonable...he was thinking in one to three years, I was going for after-thirty-years-or-twenty. Maybe ten, but the number won*t matter. Wanna know why? I think even if we agreed on that, it*s NOT the real cause of our break-up. I will find out sooner or later anyway. And NO, I don*t have a secret boyfriend. I think he just doesn*t want to let me down in an abrupt manner (even if it were fine with me) because being brutally frank would go against his kind-hearted character. So all this fighting because of love/jealousy/the year we*d be wed is probably just the veneer of the true reason...even when that*s what truly happened! Yes, we fought about the sweetest thing fiances could ever fight about.
Anyway, I*m not blaming him. I just don*t buy what ACTUALLY happened when we broke up, that*s all. It seems surreal, so unreal. If you REALLY want to break up with someone, and you come up with the sweetest reason, it just seems far-fetched.
You might remark that he probably didn*t mean to break up with me but to say that the reason I wanted to be with him much later, i.e. marry him later rather than sooner, was because I was secretly waiting for "someone" else is so lame. My real reason was for him to enjoy his young, fun-filled bachelor days so he wouldn*t have a sexual midlife crisis wherein he would languish and pine away for those lost days of bachelorhood that he never had...we all feel sorry for men experiencing that variety of a midlife crisis, right?? And evaluate these parting sentiments of his: "You*re not mine. You*re his. You love him!!! If you think I can*t shut you out of my feelings, you*re wrong. I can, and I*m doing it now. It*s sad. Goodbye, Noelle." It was along those lines (but more dramatic). You mean that*s not a break-up?
[He*s a bit more direct now (in the past, he provoked me to "say the break-up words") but still not direct enough...(the reason is hidden) (c*mon, a break-up can*t be THAT sweet...with the guy feeling bad because he can*t marry his girl ASAP...AND THEN the girl isn*t given an option to explain or change WHAT HE HAS ALREADY DECIDED ON AS A SOLUTION....AN IRREVERSIBLE, IRREVOCABLE BREAK-UP...because she had a secret boyfriend somewhere and wanted to marry THAT GUY instead! Oh wow! Yeah he had tears. I cried too. And we can never expect a correction of that recent INDIRECTNESS. Totally indirect. That CAN*T be the real reason for our break-up! It*s still a break-up though and I have no say in it.]
All in all though (not counting the lame reason he had for shutting me out of his feelings), he really was a good guy...I had a good guy for a boyfriend, so I thank him for that plus all the wonderful times I*ve had because of his attentive ways and most of all, his good intentions and his true love for me. Unfortunately, true love does die, I just don*t know how it did here...maybe it was the same thing with a past love of mine. Still, my gratitude (for the great times) remains.
Thank you also to a few persons who supported our pairing...Wow, you*re so few in number, who gave me such kind words about loving Harry, that I can actually count all of you. The rest of the world just didn*t want him for me, male and female alike. To those who sacrificed their feelings and still supported me, well, I noticed that, okay? You loved both Harry and me, I know. Thank you so much! |
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