| Why am I writing this? It is to gaze at the wonder of it all...(you do not need to read it! this a journal, remember? maybe all my thoughts here are for him!)...yes, the wonder...How everything started from an ordinary chore and the need to go someplace...to the fact that the love I FEEL inside is being appreciated by a mysterious soul...
How I am planning to change the way I deal with men, not being that open anymore...controlling those runaway smiles that are needless anyway and which might be misinterpreted as more than a kind gesture by other men...
I am still open to friendships, EVEN friendships with guys, because they are all just innocent friendships anyway, although IT IS DIFFERENT NOW.
Somewhat. Note that he can also be friends with girls.
Both he and I turned out to be the extremely jealous types overall!
Can romantic attachment survive such volatile and easily-offended feelings? Will we both survive??
This is the first time I have heard of such a pairing in my life! And it is in my own life and his...
(I never had an inkling that wonderful things were hidden in the shadows when one joined a group or a site. In the beginning I just joined a site because I needed pictures for my blogs. Little did I know that life would be far more exciting than it ever was because I needed lots of pictures, obtained them and had the inclination to give back by uploading wallpapers where I would find a mythical character...a fantasy man who rocked my world.)
My Crush and I, [yes, he CAN be called my DN boyfriend, because no other man here on DN (and even outside of DN! He is THAT sexy) (Question: WHY do you keep on saying that he is sexy?? Answer: Because he IS!)...I was saying...NO OTHER MAN here on DN (and elsewhere) has the same romantic connection with me] (he is so, sooo sexy)
People might say that ALL falling in love is accidental, even for the guys.
A guy accidentally sees a gorgeous model-like beauty and pursues her.
A woman like me just does her daily things and then looks up to see an extremely sexy man that makes her stammer and affects her whole being profoundly, without her having planned any of this.
What a wonder to have discovered what I have been searching for...a man who does all the right moves, even smiles the exact way that you want...he has been naturally himself to the point of driving my heart wild!
Yes, we could say that all love is accidental...therefore...how will this love of mine for him pan out, and is he feeling the same way?
Time will tell us the next chapters of what can only be described as a secret type of relationship of mutual understanding...
But it is NOT a case muddled signs where one is not sure where the other stands...
There clearly is exceptional attraction there, sparks even...
I, looking at him in a way that I have not allowed myself to do so in the past (but I admit I saw him that way EARLY ON...of course no telling details about it...just that it happened early on...I was going about my activities and I said...okay...calm down...here is an extremely sexy guy....but he is here NOT because of ME but because of HIS list of things to do...yes, sexy but get him out of your mind, please!!...I was already distracted that much early on), but the burgeoning fire was spreading all over my being as the days passed until I could no longer contain my desire and sentiments and feelings for him.
And he...equally having intense feelings, notably of jealousy and apparent despair whenever I spoke of a hopeful future of loving some guy (I did not know that he was jealous of other guys or that he liked me!)...But the fact that in the early days, he looked me up, did get to know me through the websites I frequented and finally dealt with me with a foreknowledge that kept him prepared for my actions and responses...the fact that he did these things and took the initiative...SHOULD convince me that he does like me...that there is either a spark or fire there, an interest definitely...but there is something there!
Yet here I am:
I still cannot believe that such a gorgeous sexy guy actually likes me too!
Many songs have said...(in many languages)
"If this is a just a dream...please, PLEASE do not wake me up!!..."
And how is it all different now?
Well, I cannot be as carefree and I cannot be overly warm with guys anymore...it just looks bad!
Normal warmth is okay, I just would not overdo it, squandering my affections...no more...
There is a jealous guy who could be hurt by my carelessness...
Although many people have mixed feelings regarding jealousy...some think it is an abuse of trust ...maybe reality lies in the middle view this time.
I think his jealous nature is very justified, given the fact that men always do try to stir my attention away from whoever is my boyfriend at a given time.
It is really different now.
On DN (and I carry it into WordPress and EVERYWHERE I may be):
I am HIS girl now. 
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
There is someone who holds my heart now
he keeps my heart captive
and I am loving the captivity!
Whether this translates to something else...
perhaps time will tell...or it will not!
What is different is that indeed, right now
He holds my heart.
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