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Think I'll try writing out my thoughts here, in some coherent fashion, since the jumbled mess that is my brain at the moment needs some direction.
It's been a very nightmarish 2 years for me. July 5th of last year I lost my dad to Colon Cancer. A very long drawn out battle which, unfortunately, we got to witness since we took care of him at home. Alone. Me, my mom and brother. No Hospice because my Dad didn't want anyone but us around.
I would never trade those days'...hours'...sacred minutes for anything but I also know that what was seen in those last precious days'...hours'...seconds can never be unseen and yet another scar is deep and permanent. We build up so many in a lifetime.
Now, my mom isn't doing so well and can not get around any longer so my days' and nights' are dedicated, once again, to helping her.
As for now....I don't really have much of a "life"
Don't know that I ever did really. I'm an agoraphobic but not completely housebound.
I've been married, divorced, partied my ass off and got into heaps of trouble when I was younger...did all the required adolescent angst crap....but so many things seem to be out of my grasp. So many unrealized dreams.
I'm limited but then so many people are and I try to remember and hang on to that.
Today is a good day.....tomorrow, who knows. But I've been through too many who know's to finally
get that I can come through it.
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