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ATTORNEY: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"

WITNESS: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."

ATTORNEY: "How long has he lived with you?"

WITNESS: "Forty-five years. Your Honor, do I have to answer this... idiot?"

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My mother has always been horrible at telling bad news.

I came home and found my mother looking very distressed.
She told me that she was having a bad day and felt really terrible.
Next, she confessed to having an affair with our neighbor.
And she also said that I couldn't tell dad.

"Why not?" I asked.

She replied, "Because he's just passed away."

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Never let it be said that to dream is a waste of one's time. For dreams are our realities in waiting; in dreams, we plant the seeds of our future.

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Enjoy yourself, singing and dancing is a happy life!

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HUGS - OOO
OTHER STUFF - xxx
Roger

From my home to yours, Shelly...
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Two women, a blonde and a redhead, own a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.

The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."

She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."

Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"

The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.' "

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Because I’m a guy and this is the year 2015, I will share equally in the housework.
You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest.

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I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there.
I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family, and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year. You can do your bit by trying to share this information to one unstable person. My job is done!

Life is too short for negative drama and petty things.

So laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive quickly! Well that forgiveness part is up to you!!!

From one unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty well in mine.

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A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw. He calls out to a guy walking on the street below.

"Hey, Buddy! Do you see my ear down there?"

The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"

"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

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[url=https://www.facebook.com/asad7357]Mohammad Asad Nazir[/url]

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Have a happy new week, Shelly ♥