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A couple of nights ago, Fred was out celebrating an early Christmas, of drinks with friends at the local saloon. He had a few too many beers, and then topped it off with a margarita; not a good idea.

Knowing full well he was over the drinking limit, he did something he had never done before - he took a taxi home.

Sure enough, they came to a police road block, but because it's a taxi they waved it past.

Fred arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, because he's never driven a taxi before, and not too sure of where he got it.


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I don't drink, but laugh at the funny things drinkers do!

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computer/][/url]

I'm okay. Are you?

https://youtu.be/eVH1Y15omgE

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A sharp old farmer went to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, "This isn’t the price I saw!"

The salesman went on to tell the wise old farmer how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires etc. and that was what took the price up. The farmer knew he was being ripped off, but he needed the truck badly, so he just paid the price and went home.

A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My son is in Class 4-H, same as your kid, and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I have a few cows, and I would sell for $500.00 apiece. Come look at them and take your pick."

The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer’s cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.00.

The farmer said "Now, wait a minute, that’s not the final price of the cow. You’re getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too."

"What extras?" asked the salesman.

The farmer handed the salesman a bill with the following extra charges -
Basic Cow – $500.00
Two tone exterior – $45.00
Extra stomach – $75.00
Product storing equipment – $60.00
Dual horn technology – $45.00
Straw compartment – $120.00
4 Spigots @ $10 ea – $40.00
Leather upholstery .- $125.00
Built-in Automatic fly swatter – $38.00
Fertilizer dispensing attachment – $185.00
Grand Total – $1,233.00

You see, salesmen aren’t the only ones who can be tricky!

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I love this kind of music, and you know I'm strange.

https://youtu.be/JwuIj33gtfo

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I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland. A group of American tourists came in. One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I'll bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."

The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet. 40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey Yank, is yer bet still on?"

"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000."

"Grand," replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."

It was very close, but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.

"OK, Yank, pay up." said the Irishman.

"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?"

"Well sir," replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it."

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https://youtu.be/kMhw5MFYU0s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW9B5ZuRdAw

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ATTORNEY: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"

WITNESS: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."

ATTORNEY: "How long has he lived with you?"

WITNESS: "Forty-five years. Your Honor, do I have to answer this... idiot?"

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A big city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

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Who says that men have no memory?

A couple were Christmas shopping at the mall, and the place was packed. As the wife walked through the mall, she was surprised to look up and see that her husband was nowhere around.

She was quite upset, because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone, just to ask him where he was?

In a quiet voice he said, "Honey, do you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago? Where you fell in love with that diamond necklace, the one that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you, one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

He replied, "Well, I'm in the bar, right next door!"

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Be prepared to be amazed!

https://youtu.be/xh9GaDgRWX4

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https://youtu.be/K6KbEnGnymk

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