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Journal for 024ellebazilJournal for 024ellebazil
01 Apr 10 Thursday
Oh no, more reading for the masses
Current mood: bummed
Category: Romance and Relationships
So, another day, another nightmare. All hamsters in a metal rolling cage that just keeps going around as long as we decide to play the game of life. Well, fuck that. I'm sick of biting my tounge and expecting people to see what I'm really trying to say to them. You know, I'm a trusting person at first, until you give me a reason not to. Then you better stick your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye, because I'm not gonna talk to you much after that. Dont play mind games with me ok? If you like me, fucken tell me, I'm not a mindreader, I dont know what you're thinking. If you just want to be friends, that's fine, but tell me. Dont let me be strung along on high hopes thinking that if I give it a chance it'll happen. Then it goes on for a month or so, you start telling me you're going out with another chick and I'm upset because stupid me, I thought you were flirting with me. Just no mind games, guys, ok? They're only fun to you and they hurt the other person. So just play nice. I am kinda looking, but I'm not gonna be serious about it. I'm done with being played along with, and I'm done with being a playtoy for you to get bored of. If you want friendship, great, that's fine. I just dont want to be hurt again. I was so wrapped up in everything before and to be dropped from that feeling, the loss and the depression after. Feeling like you'll never mean anything like you did to anyone again, because when you look around you cant find anyone to feel like that about either. Its just one epic suckfest, and the more I play along the more I realise nothing is worth this much effort. When did getting together with someone else mean completely being on eggshells and wishing for the night to end. I love my guy friends, they're all amazing people. Would never consider dating them, but that's just because they're like brothers to me now. But so far, most of the dates I've been on just epically sucked. I didn't feel comfortable, and thats not fair to them either. I just can't wait to get out of this damn town, its oppressing and it stinks and the people here can all be influenced by rumors and heresay. No matter what you've heard and I dont care if you've heard it from 15 different people, I'm not a fucking witch, and I'm not a cheat, or a liar, and I haven't been. I dont plan on being one, and to all of you who choose to believe such bullshit, one big FUCK YOU is waiting on your doorstep. Pat yourself on the back and tell yourself how much of a social mokery of cattle you've become. Great job!! ;D Without you guys I dont think I'd even have a reputation to live up to. On the other hand, I really do believe there is a good guy out there with bad boy tendencies who nurses hurt, broken animals back to health because he knows what its like to be left alone with no one to care for you. I just pray to God everyday that he's not gay and he's somewhere close, or somewhere I'm going to be one day before I get too old to even consider dating anymore. Please you guys, I need advice here. Am I being to hard on you? Am I not looking around the right places? Or am I just being an old-fashioned hopeless romantic.... destined to be an ugly old lady throwing cats at passers-by and helpless little children who loose things on my property? Let me into your heads, I wanna know what I'm overlooking here.

In the end we're all just chalk lines on the concrete
Drawn only to be washed away
For the time that I've been given
I am what I am

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