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PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   2/6/16 at 3:20pm
God loves you & wants you to be happy! So smile damit!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   2/4/16 at 12:28am


A man named Sam is doing an interview for a new job.

The CEO asks, "Sam, have you ever been in any wars?"

Sam says, "Yes, I was in Iraq."

The CEO asks, "Were you injured in any way?"

Sam replies, "Yeah, I was actually near the site of an explosion, and the shrapnel hit me in the groin. I lost both of my testicles."

The CEO says, "Oh wow! That's really awful! Do you have any allergies we should know about?"

Sam says, "Why, yes, actually, I'm allergic to caffeine."

"Well", the CEO said, "We'd like to hire you! Our normal business hours are 8-4, but you can come work 10-4, and still get paid for 8-hours."

"If you don't mind me asking, why 10-4 instead of 8-4, like the others?"

"Well," the CEO replies, "We generally stand around shooting-the-bull, drinking coffee, and scratch... ourselves the first 2-hours."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   2/1/16 at 12:19pm


I'm sorry that I'm not here most of the time, but I have each of you on my mind. I'm busy away from home tending to other people's lives. Enjoy this short video while I'm gone.

http://www.chonday.com/Videos/trailerghu4

I will return when things get back to normal.
Be well, Mike.
Roger :D

SkyPhoenixX1Posted by SkyPhoenixX1   1/31/16 at 1:41pm

































PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/28/16 at 6:35pm
Live your life as if there's no tomorrow!
But no breaking of the ten commandments!



1. The villagers decided to pray for rain. Then, on the day of prayer everyone gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That's FAITH.

2. When you toss a baby in the air, she laughs because
she knows you will catch her.
That's TRUST.

3. Every night we go to bed, without any assurance
of being alive the next morning but still we set our alarm
to wake up.
That's HOPE.

4. We plan big things for tomorrow despite zero knowledge of the future.
That's CONFIDENCE.

5. We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children.
That's LOVE.

6. On an old man's shirt was written: "I am not 80 years old....I'm sweet 16 with 64 years of experience."
That's ATTITUDE.


Have a happy day, live your life like these six!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/27/16 at 10:55am


Three bulls in the field hear that the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull says, "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull says, "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull says, "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture, stops, and begins to unload the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes the steel ramp strains under his weight.

First Bull says, "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull says, "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.

First Bull says, "Son, don't be foolish -- let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull answers, "He can have all my cows, I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"

gubiciiPosted by gubicii   1/19/16 at 7:12pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/17/16 at 8:29am
Jesus loves you and so do I


HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE.

Please, do not Google or check this with Snopes. They will lie to you. Trust me!

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. T he sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to the People
(HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth
the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth.

I would not make this stuff up.

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/16/16 at 2:09am


Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, "Joe, the good news is that I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. And the only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for? He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery wasn't long, but it cost him $15,000.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a 'Men's Clothing' store and thought, "That's what I need... A new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly Tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years."

Joe tried the shirt on, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new Underwear?"

Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure, why not."

The salesman said, "Let's see..... size 36."

Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "Impossible. You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine, and this will give you one hell of a headache."
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/14/16 at 6:31am


While drinking at a bar one night a guy is approached by a beautiful woman who starts flirting with him. They talk for a while, have a few drinks, and at the end of the night the girl invites him back to her apartment. They get to the apartment and immediately begin to have passionate wrestling match.

When they are through the girl gets up to get a drink of water and the guy pulls out a cigarette.

"Do you happen to have a lighter?" He asks.

"Check the bedside table."

The man opens the drawer and finds a picture of a scary looking marine staring back at him.

"Oh carp! Is this your husband?"

"No, that was me, before the operation."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/11/16 at 8:25am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/10/16 at 1:00pm


The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers?

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say?

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He leaned forward and said, "Hello. I'm Phil."

The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."


Wishing you a very Blessed Sunday!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/6/16 at 7:24am


Black and White TV

(Under age 45? You won't understand)

You could hardly see for all the snow, spread those rabbit ears as far as they go.

"Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake, instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.

We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

Now, it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall Donny Rybolt from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.

Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a jerk. Yes, it was a neighborhood run a muck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.

How could we possibly have known that?

We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.

We were obviously so duped by so many social ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!

I remember that life's most simple pleasures were very often the best!

HAVE A GOOD DAY
:)
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/2/16 at 10:27am



The other day Fred bought 2 six-packs of beer that was on sale at the liquor store, for half-off. On his way home, he stopped at the gas station to get a fill-up and buy a quart of oil.

Beside his gas pump is an attractive blonde, wearing some of those "Daisy Duke" shorts, a button-up-shirt that was trying to hold back more flesh than Dolly Parton; and she was eye-balling his beer, sitting in the front seat.

She bends over to get a closer look and with her bra-less breasts almost falling out she said, in a sexy voice, "I'm a believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

Fred thought about it for a second and said, "What kind of beer you got?"


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/31/15 at 11:41am


https://youtu.be/Ut9xi-ep2mg

May all your wishes & dreams come true, Mike!
:)

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/30/15 at 8:28am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/28/15 at 10:26pm


A motivational speaker is giving a speech to 1,000 married men.

He starts out by asking, "How many of you have sex with your wives once a week?"

A few hundred of the men stand up, cheer, and high five each other.

Then the speaker asks, "How many of you have sex with your wives once a month?"

Again, several hundred men stand up, raise their hands and cheer.

Finally, the speaker asks, "How many of you have sex with your wives once a year?"

One man stands up, cheers, and hoots & hollers.

Perplexed, the speaker says, "Why are you cheering if you only have sex once a year?"

The man replies, "Because tonight's the night!!"



HAVE A GOOD DAY
:)
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/26/15 at 8:49am


Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over 60-year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out...

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

AGE IS ONLY A NUMBER... YOU'RE ONLY AS OLD AS YOU FEEL!


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/24/15 at 8:34pm


Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month.
The day after she passed away my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was
crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.
She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to
heaven, God would recognize her.
I told her that I thought that we could, so she dictated these words:

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog?
Abbey died yesterday and is with you in heaven.
I miss her very much.
I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got
sick.
I hope you will play with her.
She likes to swim and play with balls.
I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that
she is my dog.

I really miss her.
Love,
Meredith

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey & Meredith, addressed it to God/Heaven.
We put our return address on it.
Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she
said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to
heaven.
That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office.
A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet.
I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch
addressed, "To Meredith" in an unfamiliar hand.
Meredith opened it.
Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, "When a Pet Dies."

Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope.
On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:


Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and
I recognized her right away. Abbey isn't sick anymore.
Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart.
Abbey loved being your dog.
Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to
keep your picture in, so I'm sending it back to you in this little book
for you to keep, and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you
write it and sending it to me.
What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.
I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.
By the way, I'm easy to find.
I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God



PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/23/15 at 11:26am



Alan and Lorraine lived on a cove at Gull Lake, Alberta. It was early winter and the lower portion of the cove had frozen over. Alan asked Lorraine if she would walk across the frozen part of the cove to the general store and get him some smokes and beer.

She asked him for some money, but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab, old man Stacey won't mind."

So Lorraine, being the good wife, walked across the ice, got the smokes and beer at the store and then walked back home across the cove.

When she got home with the items she said, "Alan, you always tell me not to run up the tab at Stacey's store. Why didn't you just give me some money?"

Alan replied, "Well, Lorraine, I didn't want to send you out there with cash, when I wasn't sure how thick the ice was!"

Mike, can a good love story like this bring you to tears?



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