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PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/24/15 at 5:42am

Funny, sexy, beer commercial made in Gemany


PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/7/15 at 3:38pm

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.

Brenda asked Dotty, "You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well planned life?"

"Yes," said Dotty, "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker."

Brenda asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"

Dotty answered, "Well, 1 - was for the money, 2 - was for the show, 3 - was to get ready, and 4 - is to go."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/6/15 at 6:24am

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/5/15 at 2:02pm

Anyone can be OLD, but you don't have to act your AGE!

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/3/15 at 8:29am

A Farmer's Advice Learned From the Seat of a Tractor

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered…...not yelled.

Meanness don't just happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about, isn't ever going to happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time..

Don't interfere with something that isn't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every morning.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lots of that comes from bad judgment.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.

Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/2/15 at 7:49pm

Every other Friday a factory guard at the Tool Company saw a worker coming out of the factory pushing a wheelbarrow packed with hay.

The guard (looking for tools) searched inside the hay, found nothing, and let the worker go.

This ritual repeated over several years until the guard's time came to retire.

When the worker pushing the wheelbarrow appeared at the gate he told him, "I know you are stealing something. I'm going to retire, and this is my last day. I won't tell anybody, tell me what're you stealing?"

The worker smiled, "I've been stealing the wheelbarrows."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   11/2/15 at 7:08am

A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.

"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand, Joe, who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week, plus free room and board. And then there's the cook, Mary, she has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week, plus free room and board.... Then there's the half-wit, Albert. He works about 18 hours every day, with no-days-off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, and pays his own room and board. But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon, every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife, occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to, Albert, the half-wit!" says the investigator.

"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   10/26/15 at 7:51pm
A successful businessman was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you."
The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued.

"I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, had received a single seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some
of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim
didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however, he just kept watering and fertilizing
the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot.
But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room.

When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful - in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back.

"My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the
next CEO!"

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified.

He thought, 'The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!'

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed, Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is "Jim!"

Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow. And all of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. And Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my dead seed in it.

Therefore, Jim is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

JAVAJODIPosted by JAVAJODI   7/5/15 at 6:47pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   6/14/15 at 6:19pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   3/16/15 at 10:47pm

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   3/12/15 at 3:47pm

"June? Do you see that elderly couple over at that other table?"

"Yeah. What about them, Charles?"

"I was just thinking.... We might look like them in about 10-years or so..."

June turned toward her husband, "Do you realize there is a mirror over there?"

Alexandra66Posted by Alexandra66   3/12/15 at 11:36am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   3/4/15 at 9:40am
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   2/28/15 at 3:00am

An old man is on a golf course with three of his buddies.
As he place his ball on the tee at the 12th hole, he notices a hearse approaching on the road. He took off his hat, placed his hat over his heart, bowed his head, and stood in silence.

His buddies exchange looks in surprise.

When the hearse disappears out of sight, the old man puts his hat back on, picks up his driver and addresses the ball.

One of his friends says, "Geez, Joe, I didn't know you were so respectful!"

The old man responded, "Well, it's the least I could do. We were married for 30-years!"

JAVAJODIPosted by JAVAJODI   2/10/15 at 12:38pm
PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/26/15 at 1:06pm

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   1/4/15 at 5:16pm
Best friends come in many shapes and sizes. And are faithful, unlike your children or spouse.

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/29/14 at 8:19pm

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Your computer's really messed-up now, Fred."

PuppydawgPosted by Puppydawg   12/27/14 at 10:15pm
A friend of mine took his girlfriend out to teach her how-to-fly-fish...

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