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Happy Holiday my dear friend
I wish you all happiness and health all year round

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BUMP?



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Hello Zeperick
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Thank you for your beautiful posts, comments and visits much appreciated!
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Have a beautiful day
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Hugs ♥♥

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An overweight man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year old babe dressed in nothing, but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads: "If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.

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THE JUDGE

A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.

She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard, to the arresting officer who took her away, complaining and criticizing throughout the process.

When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had stolen from the store?

The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."

The judge then asked why she did it?

She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."

The judge asked how many peaches were in the can?

She replied, "Nine, but what do you care about that?"

The judge patiently said, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail - one day for each peach."

As the judge was about to drop gavel, the lady's long suffering husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak.

The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?"

The husband said, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."

ZOO JOB

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.

He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

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For the Man... "DEAL WITH IT!"

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FAT CAT small door.

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