| [A BIG NO TO MODERN "CONVENTIONAL" RELATIONSHIPS:....Just look upon me as a wallflower because I will take no part in such.]
6. Points 6 to 8: There are CONTRASTS between the old-style of love relationships and the new modern ways of romance....
So you would know two things about me in this section:
to me a crush bears a very small difference from/to love...at least in my own heart...and the modern ways of love relationships scare me. You will also know WHY they scare me.
A CRUSH OR LOVE in my heart (telling me that a man is special and worthy of all-out love from me), IS DIFFERENT from BEING BRAVE ABOUT actually BEING SOMEONE*S GIRLFRIEND.....It means he is the type I would love to surrender my heart to...It does NOT mean we would ACTUALLY be involved...it is just that HE IS MY TYPE, period. I like the way he thinks and deals with things...I think he is very manly that way...and many other things besides! And he makes me happy every moment without realizing it, because he is so sexy, Period.
.....which brings us to a QUESTION FROM ME: Why, oh why...WHY DO PEOPLE BECOME SWEETHEARTS AUTOMATICALLY if they STILL ARE NOT SURE THAT THIS IS THE PERSON OR AT LEAST THE KIND OF PERSON THEY WANT TO BE WITH FOREVER?
So many enter relationships without first realizing that the other person is their ideal man or woman...or their type! It puzzles me. Dating? Seeing if it is all going to be okay?? I don*t get it.
[You do not have to read this small tidbit about my son...but it just crossed my mind...so others who want to can read it...I am glad that my son thinks this way...He thinks it is so ridiculous of other guys, some his friends, when they keep on having girlfriends, having lots of sex and then deciding "She is not the one I want to marry."
Women do get damaged this way, the way television portrays love with sex. To women, "intense relationships that include sex" means that they have found their Prince Charming - it is their boyfriends that wait six to ten years before "popping the marriage question" or "being sure". And sometimes the proposal does NOT happen, which will leave a woman damaged, not just hurt.
This is the reason my son thinks he would never have a girlfriend...Not that his standards are overly high...but...IS THERE TRUE LOVE THERE? To him, there is no point in being sweethearts if both are not sure they want to marry each other in about two years.]
7. This point, Point Number 7, might clarify what was said in the previous point.
My son*s view of love, sex and marriage (as stated in Point Six above, if you have read it) (it is also my view...but I never inculcated this into my son, never spoke of it to him! Imagine my shock when I realized I did not have to teach him the basics of love and commitment!) is the OLD-FASHIONED VIEW OF RELATIONSHIPS where "A man never pursues a woman unless he is very sure that she is the woman he wants permanently in his life." It works this way:..."So you are NOT SURE if this is the woman you want FOREVER? Then DO NOT pursue her!! Just DON*T!!" My grandparents belonged to that time when women rarely had their hearts broken by a boyfriend!
Today, we see the MODERN VIEW OF RELATIONSHIPS wherein women, in the name of feminism and equality with the men, sleep around a lot (because they willingly imitate the women characters in Sex and the City, they said!), willingly give sex to men who they call their top date, "steady date" of six months or EVEN their regular "FRIEND"(!!)...This FORMS a "modern EXPECTATION from men" of: "Give me lots of sex first so that I may try you and you may try me, to see if we really want to be with each other steadily...and MARRIAGE after all that sex between us MAY OR MAY NOT BE A POSSIBILITY BETWEEN US."
Men do plainly state that this is not something that harms them (as a matter of fact, it becomes the index of their virility, something we should not make a big issue of because men are what they are...men!), but this sort of thing (sleeping-in with their boyfriends for I do not know how often...without that guarantee that he will NEVER leave...as properly declared in front of all their relatives and friends...in a real wedding) is CERTAINLY is very damaging to women (and please stop comparing THAT regular occurrence with the "SPECIAL CASE" "success stories" where, without the benefit of marriage, a couple bring six illegitimate children to this world and have a WEDDING on the 25th year together! How unromantic, and how unsure the guy is in this situation!!).
Usually, and on the whole, women get their hearts broken, when, after giving all that love and sex to a man, a man decides that they are incompatible and cannot be partners for life. This is a very modern phenomenon.
8. Does the above modern phenomenon SCARE me? It sure does. Count me out, okay? First of all, I was raised the old-fashioned way, to only surrender in sex after the wedding...to give sex ONLY WITHIN MARRIAGE. I DO NOT think this upbringing makes me a better woman than those who were not raised this way, but it gives me a more general perspective about wasting time AND being damaged at the same time.
(continued with a conclusion in the next post...) |
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