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So to continue...he told me he believed that I was going to victimize him or something..make him fall for my charms and then laugh at him for being a fool (you read that right, he said these himself!)...so all of a sudden, he was acting like he was Buzz Lightyear, saying things (not as a joke but quite seriously with some anger!) like, "Your charms WON*T work on me, Enchantress!!!" that had me saying, "WHAT is wrong with this guy?!?")...
I consequently consoled myself by writing in my journal, that I had a bright future with someone to love me someday (I had suitors) and all that; he read it and he just went into a tailspin, like a storm, with uncontrollable jealousy, particularly his suspicion that I was getting back with my ex and that*s the man I really loved, according to him...and that shocked me because he was acting more like a boyfriend than a friend...
[Note: I have already discussed the difference between normal jealousy and jealousy as exhibited by criminals and wife-beaters...and here is the gist: In criminals and wife-beaters, their wife or girlfriend has only to smile at any stranger and she would immediately accused of having an on-going affair with that person...to them, it doesn*t matter if you say you don*t know the person personally whom you smiled at...you would immediately be called a slut or a whore...
In the case of normal romantic jealousy, actual things like real kisses or a real past relationship trigger possessiveness and you would have no feelings if you weren*t affected that your sweetheart was just giving it all away or was still being courted by her ex. See the difference? I*m again calling out the stupid mainstream media journalists on their inability to distinguish normal from abnormal jealousy in this one.]
Back to the story...
Anyway, to remedy his glum outlook and his escalating depression, because he was falling deeply into one (through jealousy), I confessed that I was madly in love with him. His response to this was unexpected, given the intense jealousy he displayed: he acted like it was NOTHING, like, "Whatever. Go ahead and love me if you like..." He was that way and I was wondering..."Where*s my ultra-jealous boyfriend?!"
I then wrote in my journal that he was acting quite indifferent to my revelation of my secret feelings of love for him, and that he acted like he wanted ME to CHASE HIM...I decided then and there to stop my silly dreams so I wrote..."Poof..it*s over!"
THEN he asked me why I told him I loved him only to take it all back...So I said..."Okay...I love you again.." (I wrote about this in my journal too.)
[Those who regularly read my journal might wonder, "Isn*t your boyfriend jealous of your male best friend, the one who wanted to be the most successful in the world or just plain the best person in the world or whatever it is he wanted?" He wasn*t a bit jealous of that friend of mine. His view is that no matter how good-looking my male best friend is, that wasn*t enough for us to be an item for the whole wide world to see...so he wasn*t worried about him. On the other hand, I almost married my ex (the actor), and I even had houses bought for me by my ex all based on my likes (hey, I RETURNED the houses, ALL OF THEM, okay?) I*m only guessing here, I*m not sure, but maybe my crush was thinking that the commitment present in that relationship was serious, and that to him was something. That*s his view of it, I think.]
[And then there was an issue of WHY I didn*t marry my actor boyfriend back then...it was because ultimately, no matter how much I forgave him, I didn*t feel comfortable having a spouse who kissed other women as a legitimate part of his profession...so the issue was that I was a jealous person. To him (My Present Love), normal jealousy means that you are in love - we have the same view - and that is something that makes him feel insecure to this day...that I had cared about my ex at one point, even though we never had sex. To my present boyfriend, that dead love is something that could be resurrected somehow...or so he fears.] (Update on my ex the actor: He*s doing very well with a very beautiful girlfriend! Great choice! No jealousy, just friendly warm wishes!)
[My answer to the issue about my love for the actor-ex being resurrected somehow: If I still truly loved my ex, I would*ve rushed back to him despite any obstacles...but as you can see, I was very open to life*s possibilities until I stumbled upon this gorgeous MYSTERIOUS hunk of a guy, who is everything the secret spy/agent in me ever wanted (Being Nancy Drew again or maybe Agent 99), my present love, my boyfriend!]
To continue (the account of what happened)...One day, someone talked to me whom I have never expected to encounter...his girlfriend! She informed me that he was no longer available. (Of course, I was shocked because I didn*t know that he had a girlfriend). You might think that I got mad at him for not telling me he had a girlfriend but really, there was no anger on my part for him as he gave me a feeling of being in heaven or in a magical world (love is blind, remember? As long as the other person loves you too then you have a viable thing going!); his girlfriend*s arrival though got me bit depressed and I didn*t speak to him (because by that time, I had decided that I had to move on and forget him) They had kids and she wanted so badly to marry him.
(continued in Part 3)
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