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He noticed that I was being quite preoccupied and was trying to avoid him (little did he know that I was trying to forget him because he was already involved with another and I was even informed by his girlfriend that they were to marry soon), (anyway) so he did a little investigating...I*m not sure if he ever found out that the reason I was not speaking to him was that I had a bit of an altercation with his girlfriend...but he became even more romantic from that point on and life became exciting again...
Without arousing more suspicion from his girlfriend, we started running off to hidden places to talk...
There were many ups and downs, with him still suspecting I might get back with my ex (the Hollywood actor) (because my ex still missed me and still read my blogs)...I, on the other hand, will probably never be fully convinced that he is all mine. What if she was really his fiance, not just a girlfriend? What if he wanted one last fling before they got married? As long as I don*t see that I*m actually married to a person, in this case, him, then I don*t see why I can be sure that he*s really mine, right?
With that roller-coaster ride of fluctuating feelings, I changed my mind from hour to hour, deciding on one hand the he didn*t really love me, and then again, considering the other signs he showed, I concluded that he did love me afterall. It was this way for a while, figuratively plucking the proverbial daisy that would somehow tell a woman if a man*s love was real or not...He loves me, he loves me not, etc...Will he leave her for me, because he said it was a living-together arrangement of convenience for the sake of his kids? Or will he never make up his mind, wanting to have two women for different purposes?
Valentine*s Day was fast approaching, and so I put an update in my profile saying I wasn*t sure whether some anonymous (to me) messages of love he posted were for his girlfriend or for me..and I remarked there that it was "so unromantic" to not know WHO those messages really were for (or who it was he really loved)!
It was at that time, when so very many were going on vacation, that he said he too was going off for awhile and I was thinking...hey..we all need a break...
I calmly accepted the fact that I would receive nothing from him on Valentine*s Day, not that it was even probable, because his girlfriend was again watching him like a hawk in this wonderful Season of Love, as I like to call this time of the year. It actually felt empty and sad when he left.
Before he left though, first he asked me if I was really serious with my love for him, if I really loved him...and so I said yes, I was very serious about this love. Then he told he dreamed of being with me, and that he wanted me in his arms. I told him that was actually how I felt as well (I wanted to be held in his strong manly arms)...It was as if he took note of that, and then he left for the holidays (and I knew that he was going on a date with his girlfriend, well, his first girlfriend before me).
I tried not to think about it (their wondrous date), and I told myself that since I couldn*t even tell if the messages were for me, how was I to expect that I was anything special to him? I remembered the jealousy thing in him and I was really confused. At best, I told myself, it*s better to think I am not anything special to him in order to not be too hurt by events and so I just carried on as usual.
The very next day though, he was back! He hadn*t left for his vacation yet...what I know was that his girlfriend wasn*t suspecting anything. He was staring at me, so I said,"Well...?" And without a word, he gently pulled me closer and held me in his arms. He whispered, "Why do you still wonder about what I feel for you?" I didn*t answer him and he said, "I spoke from my heart. Those messages were for YOU."
Actually, if you were me, what would you do? I expressed doubt in my profile about being loved by him with Valentine*s Day fast approaching, and he took note of my worries and desires and gave me what I wanted (HIM). And that makes this Valentine Season (which includes Valentine* s Day itself), the most romantic ever I*ve had in my life! [My past boyfriend? Not to put him down or anything but he*s not even close - probably because of temperament and/or interests, but there is no comparison...because one is romantic (My Crush/Boyfriend) and the other, not, although I loved that person at the time.]
And so I don*t know about others* views on this but at that moment, with a hug that I wanted and the question in my heart answered by him, he became my boyfriend.
[This particular story ends here, but there are final thoughts in part 4, like the question "Can someone become your boyfriend through just one hug?" and some reflections regarding the future, where all this is leading to, and about the things I said that love can make you do, if you care to know. The actual viewer count is also in part 4.] |
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