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MY CRUSH AND MY SENTIMENTALITY: Maybe I*m just being sentimental, but THIS avatar (Girl in the red organdie dress in the middle of the wheat field) (Girl In Red for short) was the one I had when he fanned me! Haha...now you know I*m REALLY sentimental...These memories shouldn*t matter in terms of choices, right? (unless you*re sentimental too)
I also remember the first time he put a note on my profile...I kept asking myself WHY I was so excited receiving a generic note (for all...!!) from him! (He said, "Happy New Year, Everyone! Take care!" or words to that effect)....and I was jumping up and down!!! You should have seen me...nevermind...I looked like a complete fool! LoL...Little things (like wanting to see a little bit of him somehow)...they reveal a lot.
At that time I was in denial about wildly having a crush on him...(and its accompanying over-active imagination and fantasizing)...It didn*t sound good that you*ve always just been waiting for this particular person to drop a note (any note) or comment on your profile...It*s like this was what you were living for...but that*s the truth...He was my crush already (although I told myself he was "interesting" and NOT AT ALL my crush! LoL)...
Take note that love blossoms in the most unexpected places...so maybe someday, it would probably be in a lush and exotic jungle...heehee
AFTER HE SENT THAT FIRST NOTE: I just didn*t have the opportunity to forget about him after that. He just did his thing on DN, he*s more serious than I am in achieving stats...so maybe it was all pure business, his showing up a lot...One thing*s for sure...he did not have to look me up to achieve great stats, he did not have to read those other things I wrote in other websites...my life and all that. So I noticed an interest in him through the extra effort he put forth just getting to know me. (But maybe I*m wrong, right?) Just saying.
HIS JEALOUSY: Until further notice, he is my crush. Or you might not be given a notice....you would hear it from the rumors...There will come a time when it would no longer be appropriate to have him as my crush (the day of his wedding). Actually, that went badly...I told him of that day, and his (immature) answer was that I couldn*t wait for THAT DAY to HAPPEN so that I could be FREE to BE WITH whoever it is I REALLY want! (whatever "free" means because right now I*m free and single!)
HIS JEALOUSY PART 2: It wasn*t I that decided on the course his life would take. I merely supported him on his decision, and now I*m looking like I planned it all, albeit supporting him on this. I never plan on things like falling in love, and now he*s accusing me of loving the convenience (to me) of his decision. Excuse me, I have no one in mind right now. Sure I have many handsome friends...but friends in the old-fashioned sense of the word...meaning NO SEX. (Nowadays, people have sex with their so-called "friends" which makes me gag in disbelief!)
WHAT DO I DO IF HE EXPRESSES KEEN ROMANTIC INTEREST IN OTHER WOMEN BEFORE OR AFTER HIS WEDDING?? It*s his life.....and I am just a friend so I WON*T SPEAK A WORD ABOUT IT EVER to him. My feelings? I think it*s normal to get jealous given my passion for him, but I won*t tell him. I*m not his girlfriend anymore.
HE STILL WATCHES ME: He reserves the right to go on watching me even after he*s married...and he won*t be caught. Just yesterday, he let me know he watched me as I slept.
What do I think of all this? Just that I cannot give any more information as to why I can*t stop him (technical problem, not an emotional one)...and so...yes...a hot and sexy guy insists on watching me even as I sleep...and...uhm...great!
HE*S A SEXY PERVERT: He once asked me to play with myself infront (infront is a compound preposition no longer in use today, unless individuals insist) of him...complete with a strip tease before that...LoL...these things, to me, ARE DONE BY WIVES ONLY!! That is why you marry...to have someone provide sexual fun...otherwise spouses might as well call each other "just friends" if there is no sexual component to their relationship!
Maybe he could ask his gf to do this?? Why me? Was it because I was so devoted to him at that time? Well, we all have the POWER TO SAY NO, so I exercised it. Wrong time, wrong persons involved (not married to each other).
But he is not just some pervert...he*s a hot and sexy pervert! And he*ll be so nice to be married to...that bride of his will be so lucky...imagine all that fun!!!
(Yeah...my Good Ship Lollipop will come someday too...No, it*s not a matter of believing it will! LoL...I will ACCEPT whatever destiny befalls me...I*m not a Pro-Action person, I*m a Fatalist with some action.)
(uhm...Fatalist..LoL....NOT as in Fatal Attraction...BUT...AS IN...Being at peace with whatever FATE befalls you, though you*ve tried your best...THAT was what I meant)
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