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Hello Stella,

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Welcome & thanks for joining 'White Winters' group! Hugs

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Well, I lost another fan/friend this week;
"jimmyjohnz." Did you know him, too?

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A red-haired woman goes to the Pharmacy in her neighborhood, and says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband, but make it look like he died of natural causes."

The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."

As he grabs the phone, the woman takes out a piece of paper from her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.

"Oh," he says, "you should have told me you had a prescription."

https://youtu.be/J7MoWPTeYS4

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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers?

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say?

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He leaned forward and said, "Hello. I'm Phil."

The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."


Wishing Stella a very Blessed Sunday!

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Black and White TV

(Under age 45? You won't understand)

You could hardly see for all the snow, spread those rabbit ears as far as they go.

"Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake, instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.

We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

Now, it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall Donny Rybolt from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.

Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a jerk. Yes, it was a neighborhood run a muck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.

How could we possibly have known that?

We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.

We were obviously so duped by so many social ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!

I remember that life's most simple pleasures were very often the best!

HAVE A GOOD DAY

I'm okay. Are you?

https://youtu.be/eVH1Y15omgE

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A sharp old farmer went to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, "This isn’t the price I saw!"

The salesman went on to tell the wise old farmer how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires etc. and that was what took the price up. The farmer knew he was being ripped off, but he needed the truck badly, so he just paid the price and went home.

A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My son is in Class 4-H, same as your kid, and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I have a few cows, and I would sell for $500.00 apiece. Come look at them and take your pick."

The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer’s cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.00.

The farmer said "Now, wait a minute, that’s not the final price of the cow. You’re getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too."

"What extras?" asked the salesman.

The farmer handed the salesman a bill with the following extra charges -
Basic Cow – $500.00
Two tone exterior – $45.00
Extra stomach – $75.00
Product storing equipment – $60.00
Dual horn technology – $45.00
Straw compartment – $120.00
4 Spigots @ $10 ea – $40.00
Leather upholstery .- $125.00
Built-in Automatic fly swatter – $38.00
Fertilizer dispensing attachment – $185.00
Grand Total – $1,233.00

You see, salesmen aren’t the only ones who can be tricky!

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HAVE A GOOD DAY,
MY PRETTY FRIEND!
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A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator.

"Well," replied the rancher, "there's my ranch hand, Joe, who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week, plus free room and board. And then there's the cook, Mary, she has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week, plus free room and board.... Then there's the half-wit, Albert. He works about 18 hours every day, with no-days-off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, and pays his own room and board. But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon, every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife, occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to, Albert, the half-wit!" says the investigator.

"You're talking to him," replied the rancher.

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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again." Joseph grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

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