MAY GOD BLESS YOU & YOURS

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Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and
whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at
the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and
shakes his head "no."

The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a
unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner
of the team to the bat boy."

Bill hesitates, but begins to change his mind when the
agent tells him, "The fans would love it!"

Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-kay! If that is
what the people want. Come here, Hilly baby."

With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and
the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right
over the wall onto the field.

She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you
!$#@&!"

The crowd goes absolutely wild! Fans are jumping up
and down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-
fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.

He leans back toward the agent and says, "How about
that? I would never have believed how much everyone
would enjoy that!"

Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks,
"What's wrong?"

The agent replies, "Sir, I said, 'they wanted you to
throw out the first pitch!' "

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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

[url=http://www.commentsyard.com/have-a-great-saturday-2/][/url]

I walked into the bar and sat near an older woman. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a 'Sportsman's Double?'

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a mother/daughter three-some," she said.

My mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered
what her daughter might look like?

I said, "No, I haven't."

We drank a few more, then she said with a wink,
"Tonight's your lucky night."

We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on
the hall light and shouted upstairs...

"Mom... are you still awake?"


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urself-2/][/url]

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Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around a shopping mall when they collide.

The old guy says, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24-years old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big breasts, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a red halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter - let's go look for yours."

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A 17-year old dude goes to his local pharmacy.

"Hello mister, I'll be at my new girlfriends house for dinner today, tonight, you know? And become acquainted with her parents, and so on. Then after the dinner though, I'm probably going to have some fun times, my girlfriend, is hot, you know? So, uh, you know the deal, right? So, is there something you might could suggest for me?"

"Well, I'd probably suggest that you might want to be protected, and buy some condoms?"

"Well, uh, sounds cool, yeah, uh, I think, yes, I will take some."

As he is about to leave the pharmacy, he stops, and then returns.

"Wait a second. You know, she uh, her mom, well she's uh, ah, uh, well? maybe I should get some, uh, you know, uh, buy some more, uh, you know, take some more condoms."

Later, at the dinner the young man is completely silent, and is just looking at the table.

His girlfriend whispers to him, "If I'd known you was going to be all silent, and stuff, I wouldn't have invited you to be at this dinner!" she said.

The young man then answers back, "If I'd had known that your dad was the local pharmacist, I probably wouldn't have even agreed to be here!"

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...............................Sweet dreams................................

WOMAN OVERPOWERS THIEF
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Have you seen this lady clerk that won't allow Muslim immigrants to walk out of her store without paying for their products? She's not an easy push-over, as she warns them, then pepper-sprays them, and then...

https://youtu.be/U52KX9L7HHg

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][/URL]

A man named Sam is doing an interview for a new job.

The CEO asks, "Sam, have you ever been in any wars?"

Sam says, "Yes, I was in Iraq."

The CEO asks, "Were you injured in any way?"

Sam replies, "Yeah, I was actually near the site of an explosion, and the shrapnel hit me in the groin. I lost both of my testicles."

The CEO says, "Oh wow! That's really awful! Do you have any allergies we should know about?"

Sam says, "Why, yes, actually, I'm allergic to caffeine."

"Well", the CEO said, "We'd like to hire you! Our normal business hours are 8-4, but you can come work 10-4, and still get paid for 8-hours."

"If you don't mind me asking, why 10-4 instead of 8-4, like the others?"

"Well," the CEO replies, "We generally stand around shooting-the-bull, drinking coffee, and scratch our... selves the first 2-hours."

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Black and White TV

(Under age 45? You won't understand)

You could hardly see for all the snow, spread those rabbit ears as far as they go.

"Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake, instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option... Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.

We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

Now, it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall Donny Rybolt from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.

Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a jerk. Yes, it was a neighborhood run a muck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.

How could we possibly have known that?

We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.

We were obviously so duped by so many social ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!

How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!

I remember that life's most simple pleasures were very often the best!

HAVE A GOOD DAY

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https://youtu.be/hkQS9OWs-CI

Good morning Steve!
This year may God Bless you with health and good luck, because you are wealthy with so many friends!

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https://youtu.be/Ut9xi-ep2mg

May all your wishes & dreams come true, Steve!