| Posted Nov 2012
This special recipe has been revised (slightly) especially for DN members. I had to put it into 2 parts, so that the journal wouldn\'t take all night to save it. lol Enjoy, and Happy Thanksgiving! 
This is a recipe that I made about 5 years into my marriage. It is suitable for anyone who hasn\'t had to cook a whole turkey before. Few ingredients are needed & no basting is required.
CAUTION: Do read the directions thoroughly before making. This recipe is not for everybody.
INGREDIENTS
One frozen 15-pound turkey
Preoccupation--use freely throughout the recipe
1 oz. of frustration
2 oz. of anxiety
1 telephone call to your mother or another experienced cook
1 oz. of impatience
1 dash of rebellion
Spice of Assumption--as needed
Take the frozen turkey and thaw it in your refrigerator for 3 days. In the meantime, hunt up the wonderful Reynolds Oven cooking bags that you bought three years ago but never used because your mother or some other relative kept inviting you over for Thanksgiving dinner. Read the directions carefully and put the bags away somewhere.
After 3 days, take the turkey out of the refrigerator. Remove the plastic wrapper. Take the neck out of the cavity and search unsuccessfully for the giblets pouch..
Leave off hunting for the giblets pouch so that you can look for the cooking bags that you put away “somewhere.” Your ounce of frustration can be substituted for the cooking bags when you simply can\'t find them, and it dawns on you that you’ll have to fix the turkey some other way.
Get out your favorite roasting pan. Discover that your roasting pan is not big enough for the 15-pound turkey. Use your 2 ounces of anxiety as you start hunting for bigger pans.
You can\'t find the giblets pouch. You can\'t find your oven bags. You need another way to cook the turkey without the bother of basting it. This is the perfect time to throw in the telephone call to your mother or some other experienced cook.
Tell your mother, (or whoever) that you can’t find the giblets pouch. She will reassure you that they must be in the turkey, probably under a flap of skin. Resolve to search again after the phone call. Then explain that you are seeking a method to cook a turkey without basting it.
Now prepare to use your ounce of impatience. The experienced cook on the other end, 9 times out of 10, will explain that there\'s no way to cook a turkey without an oven bag unless you baste it. They will cheerfully outline the method for you, saying something about browning the turkey first at such and such a temperature, then using a tent of foil, and getting a basting sauce out of a cookbook…
In the meantime, let your experienced cook’s wise and well-meaning advice flow in one of your ears and out the other. Use your ounce of impatience (more if necessary) but do keep it tightly covered. YOU know, of course, that you have no intention of babying this bird along―all you’d planned to do was to throw it in the oven and forget it. But your experienced cook does NOT realize this and is only trying to help you. So be polite―but end your conversation as soon as possible. After hanging up the phone, use your dash of rebellion. Decide once and for all that you are NOT going to cook the turkey THEIR way. You are going to cook the turkey the easy way, YOUR way.
To be continued immediately in the next journal entry! Here is the link:
http://my.desktopnexus.com/CollieSmile/journal/part-2-and-conclusion-of-elaines-turkey-... |
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